Easter Monday, Lockinge and Irish Craic
We didn’t start Easter thinking we’d be saying goodbye to Richard Johnson, who retires upright and walking, and capable of a new full and productive life. He has become a role model of sobriety, charm, sportsmanship and common sense – which we know because he has garnered universal acclaim from all quarters, on the news. […]
Putting the wheels back on the Gravy Train
Many of you will know the music of the much-inked Rag’n Bone Man, and especially his hit lament called “(I’m Only) Human”. A reviewer said of it, possibly in a desperate attempt to be republished in Private Eye’s Pseuds Corner; Rag’n’Bone man speaks for all of us when he expresses his guilt, sadness, and wanting […]
AWT Championships? Hasn’t Jesus suffered enough on Good Friday?
Good Friday, and Europe is awash with Fiestas and Fetes celebrating Holy Week. It’s a time of year when I might reasonably consider that the seasons were changing and that I needn’t be in-country a moment longer. It’s a much-hackneyed phrase, but this year I really do get the feeling that “spring is in the […]
They’re Off!
A two-parter this week – Tips and comment on Cheltenham. This first, though, as they’re almost OFF for the first day of the 2021 Flat season. Also The tips for The Dubai World Cup and the first race of the 2021 Grand Prix season. Talking of wheels almost certainly coming off, here is the tip […]
Mothering Sunday, Cheltenham, Knackering Saturday
On my knees, despite eight hours of sleep and a working man’s breakfast. Only just midday, and I have already had a business meeting; given sound client advice; cocked-up the results of a Cheltenham tipping competition; accidentally kicked the dog and had the man with the angle grinder arrive to start some spring-time repointing and […]
The Pharaoh of Galway breaks his quarantine to give his tips
The top Irish Tipster and irregular commentator for Raceweb, Peter O’Tool, aka The Pharaoh of Galway, has managed to smuggle out his Gold Cup day tips, from his quarantined quarters in Barbados. Having never missed a Gold Cup meeting before, his frustration at a constant diet of rum and pineapple, various types of Prawn, Snapper […]
Cheltenham Day 3
With the sad inevitability of the unsinkable ship travelling at speed and an enormous stationary iceberg, I suspect my Cheltenham maybe gashed below the waterline. I tried to enthuse about Tiger Roll’s victory and Cheltenham five-timer, honestly. I was thrilled for Ms Blackmore, who isn’t a female but is a jockey. (Broadcaster please note). I […]
Cheltenham Day 2
I have not yet had the chance to congratulate myself for tipping and Brian Harman for playing into his 3rd place in TPC. A 175/1 third, even for a shared place at a 5th odds means that to a £1 e/w LSP, we are +22 pts overall. The rest of my picks… buck up your […]
Cheltenham Day 1
And they’re [almost] off…
A weekend view of The Cheltenham Festival
The girl in the picture is Elvira, whom I have mentioned ante scriptor. She turned up rather suddenly, refused coffee, and then said nothing, but threw furious glances at my unlit fag. I tried to tell her that I thought her top, though lovely, was possibly too chilly for racing. She simply scowled. That is […]
This day and that Day.
The Augustinian, German theologian Martin Luther was known for his well-meant interference in early 16th-century religious beliefs, and his fanatical hatred of Jews, Catholics, Anabaptists, and all the other names on his very long list. He rewrote most of the published Catholic liturgical works in the vernacular, all of the Bible and even the Qu’ran. […]
Another quiet week with nothing on the news
You get weeks like that, don’t you? You can have month after month when the papers are full of horror stories, and the TV and radio stations spout doom and gloom every hour on the hour. A relentless montage of death, destruction and loss. Friends, neighbours, citizens, strangers all weeping and wailing, and all being […]
My old gender-neutralised friend – and nobody even bothered to ask …..it?
Some of you will know that on Tuesdays, after tea, I often indulge in a spot of PR and Nowcomms, if only to keep the boot-fags in dubbin and the Crumpet-wallah in proper honey. Thus I am aware, because I hang with my crew and the kids, that all is not well down in the […]
Bad Luck Ben and Jim – and good luck to us today.
The stupidest question ever asked of any sportsman, as their hopes, self-worth, future careers and personal reputation lie in tattered, bedraggled pieces in full view of a watching and sometimes, smirking world is: How does that feel? For Sir Ben Ainslie and his sponsor, Ineos owner Sir Jim Ratcliffe, that pile includes £110m of investment, the […]
Samantha has just had to pop out…
A slightly ethereal conversation this morning with Madame, who posed the question: “Is it possible, that we might both have died from Covid, and that we have simply gone on as Ghosts in another dimension – unaware of our real state.” Furrowed in brow, I asked her if she was having a total meltdown. Of […]
It’s either moss, or the green shoots of a comeback
It’s been a torrid few weeks on the punting front, and the whiff of ordure was beginning to clag these pages. However, like a small, elegant, spring-like springy thing, (think Fantasia’s Hippos dancing), I have sprung back into contention for this year’s Luckier than a Bat in a Chinese Laboratory Trophy. Yesterday we were 12+pts […]
A reader writes…
Dear Sir Jim Ratcliffe, I don’t pay you to sit at home all day watching men playing in boats and then hitting tennis balls around in the blazing sun of the Antipodes, with TV pictures showing an apparently immune crowd sipping cocktails on the poop deck or whatever. It’s Saturday and I demand racing tips. […]
Another 180 minutes I can never get back
If you have the opportunity and wherewithal to burn five pound notes then can I guide you to the most incomprehensible film I have ever seen, making Inception seem as complicated as an episode of Andy Pandy. That film is Tenet and it is a Bond’esque espionage thriller, focused on the weaponisation of Time Inversion […]
Chicken jealousy raises its ugly head
Sadly this week saw the passing of Sam Vestey, who was a good man. We weren’t best buddies, but his huge skill with people was to make them think they might be. I knew him to talk to and to pass the odd hour with him and over the years he has on more than […]
Crikey Bruce – that’s a bit rum
While Europe tries to remember its manners and its debt to others, and decides whether the subjugation of moral principle by political ideal merits such poor behaviour, I have to ask what on earth is going on in Oz, renowned for its incorruptible embracement of moral decency, culture, diversity and fair play? For almost a […]
What a week. Enquiries galore and a huge 21st
There are only a few weeks every year or so, that make one pause for serious thought. There have been even fewer in lockdown because unless you got a can of paint out, it has been a case of plus ca change pretty well every day. This week was different. There was a change to […]
The Pharoah’s views on today’s racing
The Pharoah of Galway offers his suggestions for today’s TV racing.
Saturday’s racing and perhaps a few clues
Why I hear you ask, do you have a picture of a walk-in medical vaccine fridge, adorning your racing website? Because gentle reader, I and the team, had a busy day today, trying to explain to someone who sells thermometers for medical fridges or some such, that a fridge is a fridge, and that, strangely […]
Statistically unlikely – yet Madame seems to be correct! Again!
Now and then one opens a door of enquiry, which one quickly regrets. In this case, I had chanced upon W.B Arthur’s 1994 essay in the American Economic Review and, within it, this insight: In interactive situations of complication, agents cannot rely upon the other agents they are dealing with to behave under perfect rationality, […]
Don’t Panic. Well maybe just a little…
Following my thoughts on Altcar yesterday, Capt. S, whose work in the Intelligence Services is, in some countries, the stuff of legend, sends me a note. He reminds me that when his duties permitted he too could be found in The Nominator’s Car Park at Altcar. He remembered hearing two cockneys outside the gentlemen’s lavatory: […]
Hacked Off ain’t in it
So the Scottish have just discovered that it can get quite cold in Scottyland – what a surprise! Quick send more money. Meanwhile to Cork, where once again the charming Irish have come to our rescue. 2:13 COMMENTARIOLUS ran well at Cork in November when fourth to Rebel Waltz. I think he could take this […]
Ninth Day of Christmas and the Official Secrets Act
In these troubled times, I wonder whether we are worrying too much. So I am happy to say that there is not much to report. All quiet on the Great Western Front. Then I read that the number of patients acquiring C19 in hospital is soaring, and someone tells me that some/many/all doctors are being […]
The Eighth Day of Christmas and, Please God, a far happier New Year
With dreams of eight maids a-milking probably best forgotten, from the window of my office at the Chateau d’If, I can see the Starlings getting increasingly territorial and vocal about their birdfeeders. A TV in the background offers a choice of apocalyptic disaster movies or nature programmes with Chris Packham admonishing me for breathing. The […]
Five Gold Rings, The Mandarin Chase and The Matheson Hurdle
There has been some excellent racing at Leopardstown over the Christmas Festival, and it has offered many clues for the future. Throughout, I keep thinking how nice the place looks, despite the motorway, Creche, Microsoft HQ, and what looks like the early warning system from Day of The Triffids. Once this wretched Covid is over, […]
4th Day of Christmas finds us in Ireland – mostly.
We started to get back into the swing yesterday with a few double-digit e/w shots, but the bruised boxing day ego still took a hit, when my favourite rails bookmaker, Simon Wallis, sent me an email. In it, he thanked me for my tips, which he had laid to great effect and thus offset a […]
3rd DAY OF CHRISTMAS
My alter-ego Capt. Grinch was delighted for Bryony, pleased for Paul, and indeed was thrilled for Nigel Kent, but in the main he was unsurprisingly upset. Over in Ireland the surprises continued with Willie Mullins winning both G1 novice chases with his second strings in Franco De Port and Colreevy, his preferred winners (in market […]
The 2nd Day of Christmas, St Stephen’s Day
What Ho, Ho, Ho. Yes, it’s true, Capt. Grumpy is becoming imbued with the spirit of Christmas, and is increasingly affectionate with small mammals, children, and even government statisticians. Before we go much further let me immediately say to you all, please have A VERY HAPPY CHRISTMAS and I wish you and yours as good […]
Widows and Orphans – Repent of your sins and join The Puritans
Christmas has officially begun with the welcome delivery from the Pompey cousins of a side of Smoked Salmon. This gift will hopefully mark the beginning of my chillaxing for a dozen plus days where I will hopefully remain untouched by the stupidities of my form selections and the Government. In that vein, as afternoons go […]
Off to Ascot for A Scotch Egg
I had decided to go on a Business Trip to Ascot, having been invited to trial the proposed Royal Scotch Eggs, which would only be served to Members of The Household, or The Trustees…. or possibly myself, if either HM or I wanted a sherbert. I could only imagine how business-like Friday would have been, […]
Voulez-Vous un bain, ou un Soupe a L’Oignon, M. Rosbif?
I am appalled. The French, it turns out, sleep 5 minutes longer than us, and work a full hour less. They also do less care and voluntary work, but spend 20 minutes extra on shopping and housework. How do I know this? Thanks entirely to this wonderful chart, which also possibly explains why Les Grenouilles […]
Oh, to be at Chelty now that winter’s here
The week has not gone quite as well as one could hope. Nil By Mouth on Day 1, followed on Day 2 by one of those unmentionable medical procedures involving cameras and a sizeable film crew; a huge dose of some stupefying drug to relax Kneesup; Day 3 recovery and then some mentoring yesterday which […]
The tipping train arriving at 13:30 will be arriving here sideways.
Both the mighty O’Tool and I were sadly awry yesterday with our selections. By 3:00 pm I was so despondent I was actively thinking of watching the English T20 Cricket Team taking their Covid 19 tests by way of sport. The Hon Mrs K was hammering around the East Wing screaming abuse at Amazon Prime […]
Our Irish Correspondent suggests the following for Tingle Creek day
Aintree 1:30 This is a very tough handicap to unpick. Last year’s first and second, Walk In The Mill and Kimberlite Candy, run again today with last year’s winner 8lb better off. On those grounds, you would think Walk In The Mill should again past the line first but the progressive Kimberlite Candy ran a […]
My Hard Drive is a distant memory
Inevitably what should have been a slight anecdote about the restoration of Kneesup computer connectivity, has become a saga. Hard Disks that should have been operating separately had been affixed in such a way that if separated they stop talking to anyone. The Solid State Drive on which the operating system resided won’t boot, the […]
You need to pay your luck money or else…
You would have to be a mean-spirited cuss to suggest that last week’s selections were a poor lot because we had a cracker. Those of you who know my slightly adventurous approach to money will appreciate that I favour doubles and trebles and the like, and while this has bought Bookies-R-Us Plc several dividends over […]
The Fighting Fifth and a drop of Hennessy
A cracking race in the Berkshire saw the Memsahib’s grey get up, although she hadn’t backed it because she was busy rallying the troops on the parliamentary front line. Sadly it did Lostintranslation’s chance in after a gallant battle. We’d backed Clondaw Castle for 8s and he went off 11/2 and saw his race out […]
Perhaps I might become a Stable Lad?
I have no idea what the argument is with Rishi, because I don’t take The Racing Post anymore. (That doesn’t make me a bad person, I just started to find the absence of competition made their copy somewhat compliant). However, I gather Rishi said something along the lines of why aren’t more Lads from a […]
The TV Racing Tips for Saturday
It’s been an interesting week, with a client winning an award for his work during the pandemic as Communicator of The Year, and he later wins a further award as Individual of The Year. We are delighted that by reflection some small kudos attaches itself to us, but we would never be so vulgar as […]
Sloshing around at Cheltenham for the final day of The Open
It is one thing to call the weather spot on, but jeepers the TV pictures by the time 4:00 pm arrived were enough to make me reach for a plate of toasted crumpets and a pot of the Earl Grey. It looked thoroughly miserable, but as Nanny used to irritatingly say; “There is no such […]
Cheltenham Day 2 – All the tips for here and ITV Racing
Yesterday was close, but no coconuts, although there was a huge amount of cheering here at the Chateau D’If for Beau de Brizais, who opened at 40s, behaved exactly as predicted and halved in price. I regret not suggesting the forecast, but then [a] I would have been a genius and [b] I couldn’t have […]
I shall miss Tim and all our chums at Cheltenham
The week started badly with news that Tim Hales had died. He was the father of one of my “fingers-of-one-hand” best friends, and probably one the smoothest men I ever knew. He was tall, thin, elegant, handsome immaculate, loved racing and women and his own company. Many hearts were set racing when mesdames would arrive […]
Racing – with not a drink in sight
On Thursday Lockdown 2 started. The Butcher, The Baker, The Candlestick Maker, all remain open and three Huzzahs for them. That isn’t however the case for all the places in which I have felt safest, most comfortable and welcomed – and which we will all miss dreadfully. Until someone can produce hard facts that show […]
Time to get some back after a poverty-inducing week in America
I thought that by the time you read this, my fate would be sealed and I’d have done some big biscuits on the US Presidential Election. Indeed, a steady stream of “concerned” citizens has been calling me to deliver snippets they thought I needed to know. One such was from a distinguished CFO, who’s concerned […]
The Breeders Cup Day One Friday – The Babies are on show at Keeneland
Once Upon A Time, I was hugely privileged to accompany a Breeders Cup Classic contender up the track at Churchill Downs, in front of a record, never-since repeated, race day crowd of 80,452. The horse was Running Stag, trained by Philip Mitchell and owned by Richard Cohen and together with my wife The Hon. Mrs […]
Hail the Chief, as we watch the USA implode.
Firstly, my condolences to Anthony Van Dyke’s connections, an unwarranted end to a great horse, and somehow so far from home. Our Melbourne Cup selections all flattered to deceive, but that Flemington ground was very fast. All that aside, Joseph O’B had the winner trained to the minute and a 2m pillar to post run […]