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19th June 2024 5:16 pm

“A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries."

“I’d like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.”

These Donors Are AMAZING Thank You

Just in: CJM… Bunter… Ken… Thank you. They join: William S – MEJi – Peter N – Nigel B – Ken C – Mark S – James D – William M – Fiona M – Julian A – Jonathan H – Mrs V.M – Pete BN – Gavin C – Thom S – Sarah C – Mark S – Sam H – James R

As Ian Rush unwittingly inferred above, much of Europe has homogenised into the same set of global brands, overpriced Cappuccinos, unfriendly natives demanding their beaches back, and very ordinary hotels that have based their pricing on The Burj’s Presidential Suite.

However, I have always loved Europe, most Southern Europeans, and a few Noggys. I sympathise with them not wanting Lager Louts En Vacance. I would feel much the same if I lived in Dover or Folkestone and saw the daily detritus. I am desperately trying to discover that my dear old Granny was, in fact, Italian with a tiny hint of Ukrainian and Serb. Or Spanish with some Maltese. Swedish with… sorry , that is stretching it a bit. Where is my second passport?

Yes, I know all the Kneesups voted en masse to quit Europe – but that was when it was a Federalist Socialist concept, and Blighty was trying to be Right-on-right. Now we’re all swapping political ethers and breathing the mustard gas of eco-socialism, I sense it’s time to move. To run. To hide. My real fears are that within a year, they will have formed a Citizens Advice Bureau of their own. Everyone must help the state to survive – if you know someone taking money that rightfully belongs to you, See it, Say it – We’ll take It – Sorted. Illegal Catholics from Syria or Christians from Afghanistan? People with posh voices? Citizens with Gardens. Thank you for investing in our future, and you owe us Death Duties of £50,000 per bedroom payable immediately on death and 10% interest pd for late payment. Plus 40% of the property’s value. Plus £50,000  per acre in Capital Gains Tax, BUT you get a 20% reduction if you give the land over for wind farms.

However, before we all end up in the Gulag, mending the potholes with a chain around our ankles, having been judged and sentenced as having historically enjoyed life too much, I am morally and indeed legally obliged to follow the same principles as our glorious wannabe PMs and embrace the world of Football.

Here are my Euro 24 predictions. (To help me do that, I am using the Telegraph Predictor, which can be found here (and which will open on a new page:

When you have that open, we start with the Group Stages, and this is how I see the finishing order 1st – 4th in each group:

GROUP A:  Germany – Switzerland – Hungary – Scotland

GROUP B: Spain – Italy – Croatia – Albania

GROUP C: England – Denmark – Serbia – Slovenia

GROUP D: France – Netherlands – Austria – Poland

GROUP E: Belgium – Ukraine – Romania – Slovakia

GROUP F: Portugal – Turkiye – Czech Republik – Georgia

So far so good. After that, you have to rank the teams that you have predicted will come third in each group in order, as two of them will be going through. My prediction is as follows:

THIRD PLACE: Croatia – Czech Republic – Romania – Serbia – Austria – Hungary

That, therefore, gives us our ROUND OF 16, and I think we’ll see the following matches and outcomes:

Germany bts Denmark

Italy bts Switzerland

Spain bts Czech Rep.

England bts Romania

Portugal bts Croatia

Netherlands bts Ukraine

Belgium bts Serbia

France bts Turkiye

In fact, with the exception of the Italy game, we are predicting that the team playing at Home will win.

This takes us to the QUARTER-FINALS. In these

Germany bts Spain

Portugal bts Netherlands

France bts Belgium

England bts Italy


Germany bts Portugal

France bts England


France bts Germany



  • FRANCE  to Win 5 pts 5/1
  • Golden Boot: 2 pts MBAPPE @ 5/1 – 1 pt RONALDO @ 12/1
  • Best Player*: 2 pts MBAPPE @ 7/1 – 2 pts SELIBA No Quote *Remember the Best Player is normally to be found in the winning team – certainly in the Finalists. Thus if you think France will win, pick French players. If England wins, back an England player.
  • Young Player: 3 pts JUDE BELLINGHAM @ 100/30
  • My dark horse bets: UKRAINE to be Eliminated in Quarter Finals 2 pts @ 9/2 Skybet – Eliminated in Semi-Finals: 1 pt @ 16/1 Skybet
  • Name The Semi-Finalists: ENGLAND – FRANCE – GERMANY – PORTUGAL 1 pt @ 25/1 (Skybet)
  • Name The Finalists: FRANCE – GERMANY 2 pts @ 12/1



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