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22nd July 2024 6:13 pm

“A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries."

Readers wishing to see their name in print and their views widely known are welcome to send their typewritten submissions to, including a multi-pound contribution to the maintenance from the cellar up of Kneesup Towers.
Vino dentro, senno fuora

27th June 2024


Dear Lord Kneesup

I am appalled to hear that after 47 years, Radio 4’s Today programme has decided to scrap its daily horse racing tips. This tipping service was read out at the end of each sports bulletin and was never considered to be anything but a bit of fun. It marked the spot between the loss of Empire, Good Manners, Justice, Integrity, Achievement and Success in all British sporting endeavours and the rest of the programme that passed for news. In recent years, this latter section has made the sports news seem positively upbeat. A few silly horse names, like Hoof Hearted, Wear the Fox Hat, Two in the Pink, and Sofa Can Fast, were the perfect antidote to the surrounding wokery and the increasingly pretentious moral tone of the presenters. The final two predictions on Saturday were presumably chosen with this appalling decision in mind: Missed the Cut, in the 3.05 at Ascot, and, in the 2.55 at Redcar, End Zone.

Neither won.


Mary Hinge, Beds.


Dear Sir

Having recently lost a bet on a May election date, is it possible that I am the only person in England to lose money on such a wager?

Yours Sincerely

Sir Edward Davey (Bart.) Waterboarding Meadow



I do not wish to suggest that I am either experienced as a coach or, indeed, as a player. However, one of the very few things I am almost certain is true is that in most sporting endeavours involving a goal, hole, cross-bar or net, it is vital that to win, the individual or team must aim to get in it, over it, through it or past it.

Indeed, apart from the appalling danger to life and limb, constantly moving your ball of whatever size or shape, or indeed a javelin, arrow, caber, or arrow, in the opposite direction, is almost certain to cost you the game.

Should the England team be told?


Alf Smedley-Peas, Bolsover


Dear Sir,

I recently watched a splendid game of football in which England, wearing, I assume, their away colours of dark red, spent 90 minutes dashing around, showing intent and constantly attempting to score goals, which they did twice. It was so lovely to see all the flags of St George being waved by the crowd, although I did feel sorry for the Portuguese player Ron Aldo, who looked quite cross every time he missed. I don’t see how we can lose if England keeps playing like this, but how on earth did we persuade the authorities to allow us to change our team name from England to The Georgians? Was this part of the D-Day celebrations, as he had been King at the time?

Very Happily

Mrs Trellis-Isihac, Dunroamin


Dear Sir

As a former soldier with some experience of religious and political divisions within an urban environment and a moderate view of all things pertaining to the tragic loss of our empire and our role in global politics, I would have thought that pollsters would see me as providing a perfect centrist demographic for their questions. But not once have I been asked about my views on the forthcoming election, Brexit, Biden, Trump, The BBC, what TV programmes I watch and any of the hundred of TV programmes based on answers to questions asked of “100 people in 100 seconds.”

Is it possible that these polls are all made up? I have never met anyone who has undertaken a poll—nor indeed met anyone who knows anyone who has been asked. Not One!

Am I alone?

Cpl Jones Warmington-on-Sea.





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