As we seem to be surrounded by retired football managers all screaming, “Gitonmason” (I’m interpreting the accent), I too want to give a loud “Oooochaarrr” for the wisely invested Kneesup hours, which led to today’s results showing a 90.17pt profit. Over the four days, we recommended bets totalling 147.5 points, which delivered an ROI of 61.13%. We found a 33/1 winner and four others at lower prices, plus we had a 66/1 and a 50/1 place amongst several other lucky selections.
Overall, we had a profitable Cheltenham – but did we have an enjoyable one?
I am tempted to suggest we let the dust settle, perhaps even recommending that we keep the pen capped before sending out The “Angry of Tunbridge Wells” missive. Even if I go “off on one,” to what end? I might conceivably be wrong. It’s plausible that I might weaken any sensible elements of my Aristotelian systematic approach to my arguments by ranting and metaphorically pounding the table and bleeding from the ears.
But wait – I am not talking about the dismal management of racing. Nor the possible downsides of focusing an entire sport onto just four days that neither marks the end of the season, nor works for horses that prefer to go right-handed or who prefer flat ground. Of course, there are people who suggest that the actual event could quite probably be better organised by a Koi Carp plucked from a pond and given two minutes of instruction by a bag of salt and vinegar crisps – but it is not for me to judge, especially so soon after spending three hours undertaking a journey that used to take 90 minutes, and after paying £60 on three tomato juices, a pint of Guinness and a bottle of Pinot Grigio which retails at £7.99 in Majestic.
No, my angst is currently focused on One Day, a TV melodrama on Netflix, that requires every person who talks about it to do so with an element of gush or in slightly reverential tones. I am wary of giving you any spoilers, but in essence, this is the story of a Posh Nob with too much money, a spoiling mother, a father whose flaws are painted large (and are in fact, insignificant), who is perfectly intelligent in a soi-disant manner, but is ruined by a laser-like self-awareness that borders on parody. In Episode One Posh Nob meets an equally bright Asian girl at Uni who is a morally restrained middle-class liberal. It is apparently interesting because someone like her has never impacted his life. I suspect that in real life, neither of these self-absorbed nitwits would have a conversation lasting twenty minutes, let alone years. They would get rid of the other one’s telephone number rapidamente, never be mates, and would certainly not lie in bed, fretting like a trainer’s stable lass about their future together. Each episode appears to be a year, and sadly, I am only halfway through, and I know I have to go through at least two more character developments or career changes. Undoubtedly, one of them has to die of some horrible disease. Perhaps Posh Nob picked up Ebola from a blood transfusion in Botswana, where he went to open a safari camp until he discovered he was allergic to Mosquitoes. Or she goes on a camping holiday and is swept down a gorge with the rest of the yodelling ninnies from The Carshalton and Highgrove Young Liberals Kulfi Club. Sadly, of course, it won’t happen. I fear they will get together and open a tea room in Budleigh Salterton and live out their sad days in silent condemnation of the other’s loathing of their achievements. It is a constant study of “Oh, What might have been”. One chum, who had seen it looked bewildered at the very concept of my sitting with The Hon, watching something she wanted to see. He even suggested that I leave the room in the programme’s absence of a helicopter crash, Jason Statham, CGI and a budget of £500m. This production, he said with some perception, is not for you. How little he knows The Hon and my abhorrence of social land mines.
Talking of unexpected endings to events and activities that help fuel the human condition, is it possible the lucky selections will continue???
1:35 KEMPTON Try Unibet’s New Acca Boosts Novices’ Limited Hcap Chase Cl3 (5yo+ 0-135) 2m2f 5 run
BEAU BALKO 3 pts Win
1:50 UTTOXETER Never Ordinary At bet365 Hcap Hdl Cl3 (4yo+ 0-130) 2m4f 9 run
SANTOS BLUE 3 pts e/w
2:10 KEMPTON Read Nicky Henderson’s Exclusive Unibet Blog Hcap Hdl Cl2 (4yo+ 0-145) 2m5f 12 run
GOOD LUCK CHARM 4 pts e/w
2:25 UTTOXETER bet365 Hcap Hdl Cl2 (4yo+ 0-150) 2m7½f 18 run
WHITE RHINO was on my Pertemps shortlist, but he has missed the cut and appears here instead. He is one of the horses who has been making very unassuming progress, starting off with a mark of 74 and slowly but surely reaching 129. I do not think the handicapper has got to terms with him yet, and his Huntingdon third LTO was just a good piece of work.
WHITE RHINO 4 pts e/w – SEEFIN 2½pts e/w
2:45 KEMPTON Unibet New And Improved Bet Builder Hcap Chase Cl2 (5yo+ 0-150) 2m4½f 8 run
OUTLAW PETER 3 pts Win
3:00 UTTOXETER bet365 Midlands Grand National Hcap Chase Cl1 (5yo+) 4m2f 12 run
(5p Skybet – WillHill – 4p gen)
Dutch IRON BRIDGE – MY SILVER LINING 9 pts – FOXBORO 1½ pts e/w
3:35 UTTOXETER bet365 Novices’ Hcap Chase Cl2 (5yo+) 3m 8 run
VAL DANCER 3 pts Win