… All is well, provided the light returns and the eclipse does not become endless night. Dawn and resurrection are synonymous. The reappearance of the light is the same as the survival of the soul. VICTOR HUGO Les Mis Vic knew a thing or two about national eclipses, and I feel sure he would have…
Haydock
The Lingfield Classic trials – Ascot and a very rare 10 pt bet.
It was another unclever day. I did work out on the back of an envelope that if I had backed Stalls 1-5 inclusive over the three days and backed them with The Tote in Trifectas at £60 a pop, I would have made over £800 profit. That said, you would have been getting a little…
Is this beginning of The Beguine or is it the end of the Irish jig?
In case you hadn’t noticed, it’s the last day of the proper NH season, and before we all start the huffing and puffing again in October, I thought I should seek counselling from Madame Arcati, whose reputation for accurate soothsaying can only be matched by her fees. I asked her to relieve some of my…
The lost weekend – well parts of Friday anyway!
Be in no doubt that when the chips are down and all appears lost, Corney and Barrow can fill the void with a small cheering glass. Thus, a few of the helpers (seven and two liggers) who usually make the whole Lambourn Open Day spin along gathered to commiserate over the abandoned day. A little…
Cancel Cheltenham – we’re all going to Bicester Village to buy a hat.
It has been a busy week, which I have covered elsewhere, and albeit I have slightly recovered from a week full of shocks and Valentine’s needs and planning, I am still reeling from Ascot’s appointment of a style guru who will explain to me how to put on a top hat. Meanwhile, the Ascot PR…
The 2023 Crackers Report – and ITV Racing tips
If you can, spend a few moments on YouTube or Racing TV catching up on the two Irish Christmas racing festivals – especially Leopardstown. Jeepers, they have some excellent animals. Alternatively, look up the last races of these runners who make up my go-to list for winners next March. They all ran and won over…
Universe upon universe and so ad infinitum
For those of you who have already grasped the Quantum Sciences involved in the Many-Worlds Interpretation (MWI), I apologise. For the rest of us pedestrians, it is perhaps easier to simply say that the MWI is one of the most controversial and fascinating interpretations of quantum mechanics. It proposes that there are infinitely many universes…
Doctors and Dogs all survive the Diary clash.
The online diary is awash with appointments, reminders, and “Possibles” and great care has to be taken in their acceptance and insertions, as The Hon’s ability to deliver me from A to B runs the risk of being severely impaired. That sounds grand and truly isn’t meant to; the reality is that I only have…
Aaah go on then… I was going to be watching anyway
Very brief – very quick – very late. Must hit the sack so that I’m ready for the Laydeez. I fear the worst if the Nigeria game was anything to go by – but the commentators seemed to imply it was some sort of divine right to go through. The same sort of nonsense appears…
94 Not Out – a beacon of indomitability
This week The Hon and I headed off to Warminster for a family Lunch to celebrate my Aunt’s 94th birthday. Recovering from the scourge of cellulitis, this extraordinarily adroit, cogent, witty English woman is the last surviving Kneesup Aunt. She had organised coronation chicken and salads and asparagus wrapped in smoked salmon, new potatoes, puds,…
A sunny weekend – with a chance of drowning!
You might recall last weekend we had The Derby and later… The Dash. You might further recall we had put up a short list of four for the race; namely ANCIENT TIMES – VINTAGE CLARETS – RECON MISSION – SILKY WILKIE. I was pleased that one of them, Silky Wilkie, was in a bobbing head…
There was nothing second-hand about Tina’s emotion
This week’s attrition rate for decent and talented people has been high. Tina Turner, Martin Amis, Paul Cattermole, Sheldon Reynolds, Chas Newby, Ray Stevenson and Jeremy Clarke have all, almost simultaneously, decided to up sticks and go and perform their craft to God or the void. In the same time frame and as these waves…
Sometimes Eurovision can look sane compared to racing.
Frankly, I’m happy for the rest of tomorrow to gallop by as I prepare for the Eurovision Song Contest on Saturday night. It is a chance for my egalitarian, liberal, inclusive side to shine as I admire the many facets of socio-economic Europe on one gigantic artistic display of … hmm… To some, it’s an…
The last day of a pretty decent jumps season
I don’t think anyone can argue that the jumps season, which closes today, has been at the very least interesting. It was a game of three halves as David Coleman might have said, Political, Sporting Horses and Tales of Racing People. We had endless chatter focussed on the race programme and the abysmal entry levels;…
GOOD FRIDAY – JOLLY SATURDAY – HAPPY EASTER
If you’re doing nothing and the weather looks pleasant, and you’ve never seen Tony McCoy up close, or Francesca Cumani, or Mick Fitzgerald or any one of hundreds of famous racing faces, then leap in the car and pole over to the Lambourn Open Day. Francesca to be fair might not be there, but there’s…
Don’t let The Gambling Commission ruin your Cheltenham
Another shock retirement this week, with news that Tom Scudamore has called it a day after 25 years in the saddle and has yet to turn 41. Concussion a couple of weeks ago and a realisation that all top athletic professionals (and even the occasional fading boulevardier) neither heal quickly nor creak less with time….
Haydock off – An amended view
Saturday morning 10:00am: Andy Murray is giving it some welly on Eurosport and being hugely supported. I am totally bamboozled by how he’s doing it with a metal hip and following the longest grand slam match in history. Is every sporting organisation in the world simply not thinking things through? Why play a match at…
Racing, Footy and a Freebie!
What a week. The Aga saga, which has moved on to the construction of the Kneesup Kitchen at the Chateau d’If, took a turn for the worse with the installation of the quartz worktops. The kitchen supply company had outsourced the installation to, one assumes, the same people who might typically come around and “do…
The Fleche was strong -but is racing’s spirit weak?
The Autumn double arrives with The Cambridgeshire, a race with a history that should reinvigorate the spirit and souls of ALL racing fans as they prepare for the long hibernation. Recently, it is a race that has unmasked Group 1 winners masquerading as handicappers. Chief among the founders of its distinguished history is La Fleche,…
Through a glass darkly.
Since we were last together, it is accurate to say that the world has changed, and the impact of those changes is primarily unseen and unmeasured. My equilibrium has been unsettled by the attritional news flow; Henry Ponsonby, a good friend, avoided an annual racing lunch by suddenly dying. James Delahooke, whom I’ve known for…
Like Meghan, I am blessed
As the world descends into chaos and the End of Days announces itself with a viral outbreak “of concern” in the Argentine, my week finishes with visits to plumbing centres, tile shops and a search online for Oxygen suppliers to help me get me over the onset of the vapours caused by the additional building…
This next month will prove crucial to the future of racing
I suppose one might describe this past week as better than expected. In cellar terms, not a filthy glugging week, but more a robust cru bourgeois week. A bit of tennis, a drinks party, a soupcon of American cousins, some musical theatre, a brace of jolly (and free) dinners, and a visit from my travelling…
I am struggling with cabbages and bad butchers.
A balmy summer’s evening and some catching up, plus menu planning and other bits and bobs. Firstly, those of you who follow the Golf will know that we had our second Majors win of the season – the winner was not a huge surprise… but then we also tipped the 3rd and 5th with Cameron…
All this and The Kentucky Derby
What a joy to be at Badminton. From the Car Park to The Members Enclosure was just shy of 3000 paces. Shopping with The Hon, and a trip to The Beaufort Hunt tent (the cheapest beer within 2 miles!) and several passages to get Rose and lunch added another 3000. Then I repeated The Great…
Armageddon Management – can I help you?
I am in a dark mood today – not by way of any change, I hear the cheap seats mutter – but I have had a dozen stabs at this preamble. One piece of a now-lost 45 minutes was so full of end-of-days predictions, that Apocalypse didn’t really do it justice. Decisions made in a…
The Archers, The Camorra and North Korea
This last week I found myself moved by various snippets of writing that gave me unexpected pleasure. Among those was a small segment of The Archers in which the subject of miscarriage and stillbirth was discussed. Normally in the Archers, such matters can, and often do, sound like patronising public service broadcasts for Zombie Aliens….
I am Spartacus, but please don’t crucify me.
Like all good Catholics, lapsed or otherwise, I struggle to keep my sins to myself. The need to cleanse one’s soul and expunge all guilt lies firmly within the beating breast of the Kneesup clan, tempered only by the corollary to all confessions – don’t try to mitigate your responsibility and lessen the punishment by…
Unlike Matt Hancock (so far), I have returned
As the great Dame Edna would say at the beginning of a new stage show, “Did you miss me Possums?” I know one reader who did, who was blissfully unaware of the tenser moments of my last month and sent a sharp note demanding a refund and compensation. It was only later he remembered this…
I’m too lethargic for ennui
Something is amiss in the life of Kneesup. I have been trying to become enthused by The Ryder Cup, and the probable massacre by the USA of our plucky European brethren. Nope – Nada. Am I enthused by The Cambridgeshire? No, not really. The County Championship? Warwick? Oh good. Probably. Formula 1 and The Russian…
My loyalty has been discarded – along with the Gold Card.
Despite empty shelves, nobody apparently working, the collapse of Kabul, the changes to the NH handicapping system, the sale of the house, and a 15-week-old puppy whose teeth are incredibly sharp, life meanders along much as before. Silly chores, however, do seem to take forever but this is, I suspect because Homo Sapiens has decided…
24th in line to becoming French
We are rapidly approaching a moment in time when it really will be statistically more likely that you will be killed by your toaster than by Covid. Did you know that in May, COVID-19 (and please assume you, mealy-mouthed, statistical apparatchiks, that we precisely understand your deliberate vagueness when using the words “of”, “by”, and…
Lord Tissue of Reputation in Tattersalls offers an apology…
Recently it has become obvious that our reputation here at Raceweb Towers for providing honest and scrupulously researched racing tips, political opinions, and other racing-related material has been tainted by a series of corporate failures. Unbeknownst to me as the Chief Executive in the days before my much-deserved ennoblement, it transpires that we did not…
Why we should be worried about both Boris and my tipping?
This week, somebody mentioned Prorogation on the radio and I started to reflect on the Supreme Court’s ruling in 2019, which found that BJ’s decision to advise Her Majesty to prorogue Parliament was unlawful, because it had the effect of frustrating or preventing the ability of parliament to carry out its constitutional functions. Therefore the…
Putting the wheels back on the Gravy Train
Many of you will know the music of the much-inked Rag’n Bone Man, and especially his hit lament called “(I’m Only) Human”. A reviewer said of it, possibly in a desperate attempt to be republished in Private Eye’s Pseuds Corner; Rag’n’Bone man speaks for all of us when he expresses his guilt, sadness, and wanting…
Samantha has just had to pop out…
A slightly ethereal conversation this morning with Madame, who posed the question: “Is it possible, that we might both have died from Covid, and that we have simply gone on as Ghosts in another dimension – unaware of our real state.” Furrowed in brow, I asked her if she was having a total meltdown. Of…
What a week. Enquiries galore and a huge 21st
There are only a few weeks every year or so, that make one pause for serious thought. There have been even fewer in lockdown because unless you got a can of paint out, it has been a case of plus ca change pretty well every day. This week was different. There was a change to…
The Pharoah’s views on today’s racing
The Pharoah of Galway offers his suggestions for today’s TV racing.
Widows and Orphans – Repent of your sins and join The Puritans
Christmas has officially begun with the welcome delivery from the Pompey cousins of a side of Smoked Salmon. This gift will hopefully mark the beginning of my chillaxing for a dozen plus days where I will hopefully remain untouched by the stupidities of my form selections and the Government. In that vein, as afternoons go…
The TV Racing Tips for Saturday
It’s been an interesting week, with a client winning an award for his work during the pandemic as Communicator of The Year, and he later wins a further award as Individual of The Year. We are delighted that by reflection some small kudos attaches itself to us, but we would never be so vulgar as…
Racing Tips, F1 Tips, Tips fromthe US of A – when am I going to jog?
A profitable day yesterday thanks to JUAN LES PINs winning at 11/1 and watching a rerun of his cracking race will set you up nicely for the rest of the day. Jeepers, that Tom Marquand is good. Over in the increasingly tense world of Formula 1, we saw the departure of Sir Frank Williams and…
The PHE and the PGA – Statistics only tell half the story
A reader writes that she is confused by my writing about “ball games”, and that “strokes in regulation” means nothing to her. I am much the same with equestrian tack, racing bridles and bits. The Triabit is in every sense a bit of a mouthful, (ED: Stop that immediately) and do not get me started…
“To win without risk, is to triumph without glory.” Pierre Corneille
I was reminded of Corneille’s view when wondering why I felt quite so deflated after Serpentine’s Derby victory. It is certainly nothing to do with Aidan’s training abilities, although his entry numbers must have an impact on various stakeholders. There is at least something devastatingly simple about Aidan’s racing philosophy and I paraphrase: “Contrary to…
Another Parisian attack on our, green, semi-submerged and pleasant land
Storm Denis is on its way, and my view of the weather rolling towards Raceweb Towers, suggests it is going to be an unutterable bastard. This is hardly unsurprising given that St Denis is the patron saint of France and Paris. I was always rather fascinated by St D as a child, because the rumour…
The ITV Races on Saturday 18th Jan
At the overnight stage, we’re looking at an average of under seven runners per race, which means by almost any measurement; entertainment, income, televisual experience, interest, competition and form, it is an unsatisfactory state. If that sounds as though I am disgruntled, yes I am. Part of that is down to Charlie Brooks who writes…
Saturday’s TV racing tips
The height of the waters is of serious flood concern in our part of Oxfordshire, and I have tried to stiffen my resolve, lest we repeat the ghastliness of 2007. This was easy to do having looked at the pictures of the great and the good inspecting the course at Ascot today. I didn’t…
Saturday’s Racing Tips
Quite a busy week with business in London, plus a drinks party, an-almost-dinner-with-Sajid-Javid which only lacked an invitation, trips around the countryside handing out healing words and sound advice, you know the sort of thing. I did pop into Peter Jones and suddenly realised that my rural concepts of value-for-money needed something of a makeover….
TV Racing and a jolly day at Ascot
I am indeed fortunate that I have been invited to a day’s racing at Ascot on Saturday and I am much looking forward to some exciting racing, both there and on TV. It is a small window of R&R after a hectic week, which has seen the opening of The Lost Boy, a great new…