It was a day when the Shortlist produced 3 winners and the final selections looked like after-thoughts. Mark you, much of the day was lost to trying to decipher a set of NHS instructions in order to take two tests, in order to gain access to Ascot.
What is it about all Government communications that the simplest task can be made so obscure, that you need a PhD in PPE, Bio-mechanical engineering and seamanship to unravel its meaning or indeed purpose? For some bizarre reason, I thought the boxes within heavily sealed envelopes and containing more machine codes than a Chinese ICBM might be easily managed by one of the two NHS apps that I now carry. Not at all, and thrice Nay.
One app is the Dido Harding Memorial Hot Tub Locator and the other is the JVT Whitty Open Info app. Judging by recent emails. I suspect one of them has already been hacked by the Chinese Wuhan Insurance company, for how else could they know my inside leg measurement? I fear that vast numbers of people, not only now know what I had for breakfast the other day, but what side I dress on when the nethers are scratched. Neither app works with the testing kits, nor even communicates with the app, post-tonsil scrape. Neither app is useful in, for example, suggesting which entrance is best for The Royal Enclosure, nor where one stands when it is sluicing down with rain.
I loathe this Government and the giant sheep flock it has created, but worst of all I hate its appalling ineptitude. If you’re going to rob an entire nation of its history and freedoms in the name of some fake and cynical emotional grandstanding, then at least do it with some skill.
Talking of ineptitude and a lack of skill, here are tomorrow’s typos.
As I write this on Thursday evening, it is pouring at Ascot. I gather it will continue to rain overnight, and Jason Hart declared after the last that the drizzle was just beginning to get in. I think I shall be paying close attention to those with G/S preferences. I shall mark those with an asterisk, thus DOBBIN* and for Soft ground horses, with **.
2.30: Albany Stakes Group 2, 6f, 2yo fillies, ITV/Sky
SHORTLIST: EVE LODGE** [8/1] – FLOTUS** [10/3] – HELLO YOU [5/1] – PRETTIEST* [6/1]
THE SELECTION/S: PRETTIEST e/w
3.05: King Edward VII Stakes Group 2, 1m4f, 3yo colts and geldings, ITV/Sky
SHORTLIST: GEAR UP [12/1] – ALENQUER** [2/1]
THE SELECTION/S: ALENQUER Win
3.40: Commonwealth Cup Group 1, 6f, 3yo colts and fillies, ITV/Sky
SHORTLIST: DILIGENT HARRY [14/1] – SUESA [4/1] – SACRED [16/1] – MISS AMULET* [22/1] – SUPREMACY [9/1] – MOONEISTA** [28/1] – LAW OF INDICES** [33/1] – CAMPANELLE [4/1] – A CASE OF YOU [14/1]
THE SELECTION/S: SUPREMACY e/w – A CASE OF YOU e/w
4.20: Coronation Stakes Group 1, 1m, 3yo fillies, ITV/Sky
SHORTLIST: NOVEMBA [9/1] – POTAPOVA [11/1] – FEV ROVER [20/1] – EMPRESS JOSPEHINE** [6/1] – SNOW LANTERN [11/1] – PRETTY GORGEOUS** [4/1] – MOTHER EARTH** [7/2]
THE SELECTION/S: POTAPOVA e/w – FEV ROVER e/w
5.00: Sandringham Stakes Handicap, 1m, 3yo fillies, ITV/Sky
SHORTLIST: KINGMANIA – PRADO – PROFESSIONAL WIDOW* – CREATE BELIEF** – SAMOOT – FRIENDLY
THE SELECTION/S: PROFESSIONAL WIDOW e/w – CREATE BELIEF e/w
5.35: Duke of Edinburgh Stakes Handicap, 1m4f, 3yo+, ITV/Sky
SHORTLIST: QUICKTHORN* 11/2] – AADDEEY [11/2] – RAYMOND TUSK [18/1] – TRITONIC** [8/1] – SCARLET DRAGON** [14/1] – SAM COOKE [8/1] – TYSON FURY [33/1]
THE SELECTION/S: TRITONIC Win – TYSON FURY e/w
6.10: Palace of Holyroodhouse Stakes Handicap, 5f, 3yo, ITV4/Sky
SHORTLIST: MO CELITA* [9/1] – REBEL AT DAWN* [25/1] – EQUALITY [11/2] – GET IT [18/1] – CAROLINE DALE [28/1]
THE SELECTION/S: MO CELITA e/w – REBEL AT DAWN e/w