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25th April 2024 12:30 am

“A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries."

Aintree Grand National Meeting: Day 3 THE GRAND NATIONAL

It happens pretty well every weekend. Of the half dozen or so races that I explore to suggest and sometimes select a winner, I inevitably – if only as a matter of statistical probability – get it right. Sometimes, of course, you have days like today. Days when one forensically examines the possibilities and then, […]

Aintree Grand National Meeting: Day 2

It was not the worst of days for us, but I would have thought it was pretty awful for Hendo. Of his four runners, his only winner seemed constantly surprised to see a hurdle, and the other three all finished in the bottom half of their fields. The fact that Sir Gino won despite his […]

Aintree Grand National Meeting: Day 1

One of the subscribers asked what courses might be considered similar to Aintree. The straight answer would be Newcastle, Ayr, Doncaster, Ffos Las, Haydock, Newbury, Wetherby, Uttoxeter, and Worcester. Left-handed and reasonably flat. The more worldly-wise amongst you will know that there is no comparative course. At the Pardubice, for example, the fences might once […]

The Golf Majors: The Masters Tips from Sandy Lane

Please note that bets must be placed by 1.30 pm on Thursday. At last, a tournament in which the cream almost always rises to the top. Augusta National provides a massive test of every professional golfer’s mettle.  It may be the most beautiful and best manicured piece of golfing property on the globe, but it […]

Farewell Gentle Coz.

It’s been a lousy week, made far worse today by the unexpected news that the 80-year-old widow of my late Coz was tragically killed yesterday in a freak accident in a pub car park. Do not smile… such things can happen to the Kneesup clan when they least expect it. I had known her since […]

Content to be thought foolish and stupid.

I seem to spend more and more time confusing April Fools’ Day with the rest of the month and year. I must believe that some 30% of all the stories I read are fake. For example, surely this selection of today’s headlines, none of which I have gone to any lengths to find, cannot all […]

The lost weekend – well parts of Friday anyway!

Be in no doubt that when the chips are down and all appears lost, Corney and Barrow can fill the void with a small cheering glass. Thus, a few of the helpers (seven and two liggers) who usually make the whole Lambourn Open Day spin along gathered to commiserate over the abandoned day. A little […]

I don’t know about Good – its certainly a very Busy Friday

I was blissfully unaware of the televised racing from my usual lenten posture, which I traditionally adopt at this time of year. Probably weak from 40 days of fasting, I could only see torrential rain and various other Godly visitations through the sackcloth, ashes and palm fronds. Among the plagues visited on us has been […]

A flat start to The Flat

Doesn’t life change rapidly? Last week, the supposed greatest racing festival, today is the start of the Flat season. Yesterday, we went off to Wallingford to see Chitty Chitty Bang Bang done by the local players – which was fab and, in places, rather surprisingly sexy – or maybe I’m just a sad old git. […]

Saturday – a time for quiet reflection

As we seem to be surrounded by retired football managers all screaming, “Gitonmason” (I’m interpreting the accent), I too want to give a loud “Oooochaarrr” for the wisely invested  Kneesup hours, which led to today’s results showing a 90.17pt profit. Over the four days, we recommended bets totalling 147.5 points, which delivered an ROI of […]

Cheltenham Festival Day 3

DAY 3: THURSDAY 14 MARCH 13:30 THE TURNERS NOV. CHASE (G1) 2m 4f Chase ZANAHIYR has had a good season so far with two decent graded runs before converting to Chasing. His debut saw him run into Fact To File, and his poor jumping didn’t aid his cause – but he did have Minella Cocooner […]

Cheltenham Festival Day 1

As of 8:30 am on Monday, the ground was Soft all over, and the Cross Country was Heavy, Soft in places.  Some drizzle was possible on Monday. Showers are forecast for the early hours and into the morning on Tuesday (3-4mm). This will be Soft, sticky ground and beginning to dry. Champion Day – Tuesday, […]

LAMBOURN – WHERE THE OSCARS ARE ACTUALLY DECIDED

It’s been a week when as much caught the ear as the eye. The Chancellor (how quickly we forget he once saw himself as The PM) said in his Jam Tomorrow and The Day After deceitful Budget speech: “We believe that in a free society the money you earn doesn’t belong to the government. It […]

Who is going to pick up the Palmer D’Or?

Sandy Lane previews this week’s PGA Tour event, The Arnold Palmer Invitational in Florida. Please note that bets must be placed by 12.45 on Thursday. Another week, another 100-1 plus winner in the most extraordinary start to a PGA Tour season that your writer can ever remember. Full marks, though, to Austin Eckroat, who played superbly […]

Raceweb’s Cheltenham Festival: The Stats Pack – 20 STATS YOU NEVER KNEW

The following statistics, trends, and anomalies, call it what you will  – these numbers  – provide a potentially useful insight into possible Festival race outcomes. The numbers are facts, but as a dear friend once remarked after Mon Mome’s National victory, your statistic on French-bred National runners winning isn’t wrong; it’s simply that there are […]

How did Jeffrey do it?

My hero, Jeffrey Joseph Bernard, of sainted fame, could any day after 6:00 pm do a bottle of vodka, consume a decent dinner, talk racing happily for hours, drink claret, smoke a packet of fags, go to Grouchos, pull a barmaid and be tucked up in bed by 2:00 am. I tried this yesterday without […]

The 2024 Cheltenham Festival – The Kneesup Overview

Whatever happens, please ensure that you only bet NRNB. Also remember that if there is a non-runner in Doubles, for example, the bet becomes a Single. Thus an 11 bet Yankee (1x 4, 4×3, 6×2) with a non-runner becomes a Patent (1×3 – 6×2 – 3×1 with 1 stake returned). Champion Day – Tuesday, March […]

The Mexican Open

Sandy Lane has sent a note, along the lines that the Weights of the Grand National or even Fontwell on a soaking Thursday were considerably more interesting than this weekend’s  PGA offering – The Mexican Open  – and that he was not sure that this event was the “full enchilada”. So I thought I would […]

Sunday Golf, Irish racing, Secret shredding

With not much doing on the social front, attention has turned to resolving some issues in the office – such as a mountain of papers. The Hon is on shredding duty, as she is rightly concerned that information is power, and in the days of paper recycling and special bins, a walk around Notting Hill […]

Cancel Cheltenham – we’re all going to Bicester Village to buy a hat.

It has been a busy week, which I have covered elsewhere, and albeit I have slightly recovered from a week full of shocks and Valentine’s needs and planning, I am still reeling from Ascot’s appointment of a style guru who will explain to me how to put on a top hat. Meanwhile, the Ascot PR […]

PGA TOUR – THE GENESIS INVITATIONAL

Greetings from Sandy Lane in Sunny Barbados Caramba! Another 100-1 winner (Nick Taylor) in Phoenix last week. Thankfully, we escaped with minor injuries, courtesy of Sam Burns (3rd) and Cameron Young (8th). This week, the show moves on to the Genesis Invitational, staged at the swanky Riviera Country Club in Pacific Palisades,  Los Angeles. Here, […]

Weather aside – there’s quite a lot going on, sportswise.

Rain, snow, sleet, plagues of frogs or locusts, we shouldn’t be surprised, although Thursday in Scottsdale did slightly bamboozle me and most of the Koreans on the tour, who all seemed shy of the appropriate wet weather gear. No such thing as bad weather, dear, just inappropriate clothing was what Nanny was often heard to […]

THE PGA TOUR: Waste Management Phoenix Open

Greetings From the classical Pebble Beach courses in North California, we head off to the Arizona desert for the Waste Management Phoenix Open at Scottsdale. Played out in front of the most raucous (700,000ish) bunch of fans over the four days, this event provides a different set of challenges to those played to date this […]

FOR A BRIEF MOMENT THERE, I THOUGHT I WAS IN TROUBLE

In the back of my mind resides many trivial racing stats. I trot them out periodically for a freshen-up and a bit of a brush-down because they’re going for a gallop quite soon, and you need to know that alles ist in Ordnung, as they used to say in Stalag Luft VII after a dodgy […]

There is nothing like an election to see Crusades launched

On Thursday, I stumbled across David Davis delivering a speech on BBC Parliament. He was standing behind IDS with Jacob RM in close attendance and several other senior Tory bodies looking intense. Across the chamber, John McDonnell was getting ready to sound sensible and to talk plainly and effectively. The House was far from packed, […]

Warning: Some of this content may trigger anxiety, panic attacks or boredom

Issues such as a sense of entitlement, lack of charm or people skills, and the realities of living in a world where people do not always like each other, are some of the things that might be covered in these notes. Other phrases to cause distress might include Bad Luck (despite the jockey dropping his […]

A Very Happy New Year to all and some very brief tips.

What Ho, I have just returned from a very splendid 24 hours of quietly understated all-round excellence. I have drunk well, eaten brilliant food, sat in the company of kind and charming friends, been cossetted and pampered, and generally come back feeling loved and needed. What better way is there to start a New Year? I […]

There’s nothing like a £5 gift – and I mean nothing!

I thought it was just a bad dream – but then I realised it was probably more serious. Was it possible that I have a multiple personality disorder? Many of you had probably already considered it but, being kind souls, had shelved the idea. Yesterday, however, it came to light. I started growling at The Hon, […]

A Letter from The Management

What Ho, No post today per se, but I have done a simplified selection list below. Many of them are favourites or top 3 in the betting – that’s just the nature of this ground and the huge number of drawn horses. There is no post because we have suffered several site attacks throughout the […]

Call me old-fashioned – in the eighties sense

I bought a record today. It is Fairytale of New York and it is one of my favourite Christmas songs. I did it because there is a growing underground movement driven by the now-aged and ultimately doomed rebels among us to make it Christmas Number One. Part of my admiration is that, despite his boozing […]

A reader writes, (and this might stop that happening in the future)

Three emails this week from readers. There were others of course, but in the main, I try not to buy Lobsters over the Interweb and I am no longer concerned at the chemical engorgement of my nethers. The first wanted to know how successful I was in my tipping. I hate letters like that. There […]

Universe upon universe and so ad infinitum

For those of you who have already grasped the Quantum Sciences involved in the Many-Worlds Interpretation (MWI), I apologise. For the rest of us pedestrians, it is perhaps easier to simply say that the MWI is one of the most controversial and fascinating interpretations of quantum mechanics. It proposes that there are infinitely many universes […]

Move over Nostradamus – The SPAD v2.0 is here!

The COVID inquiry has, thank the Lord, identified and widely publicised the least efficient ways for Government ministers, advisors and Special Ones to be potent forces of efficiency by replacing the language of the Mandarins with fifty ways to say Ferk on Wassup. As a result, it misses many key points of evidence, such as […]

Night Nurse with Tonic?

The week seems to have consisted almost entirely of coughing out my lungs. Incapable of movement without hacking, I seem to have been watching endless cookery programmes whilst drinking Bovril Amontillado, much like Captain EV Kinross RN in the film In Which We Serve. I find this more palatable and easier on the nethers than […]

And so it begins

A dreadful week. I have been told not to write against stupidity, moral grandstanding, the pernicious growth of anti-semitism, virtue signalling, the ludicrous fear of the word transition, the stifling of free speech, the collapse in varying degrees of our economy, language, and common sense, and coming soon a time when all our fears re […]

Back, Back and Baccy

Somewhere between Lambourn and Aphrodite’s alleged watering hole, both The Hon and I did our backs in, and so it’s off to the back-cracker for some remedial work at £8m a pop. What a business to be in. You’re never healed and once the hands have provided some relief you’re back again and again. At […]

It’s a Group 1 Weekend, and Arc, and Ryder, and rugger and, and… !

It is the end of a truly miserable week, which, after much aggravation, has been almost resolved. Quite apart from flu and COVID jabs, and a trip to Coventry to see the dentist and to have my fear of needles, dentists and girls putting their hand in my mouth tested to the max, I seem […]

Ryder, Arc and Cyprus – work, work, work

The Trustees of The Kneesup Foundation (World Peace through Gastronomy motto: Edere et bibere, et gaudeamus) have tasked me to fly to Cyprus to see if The Hon and I can help bring together this tiny, divided island through the simple act of redistributing the last few centimes left us by the crooks of this […]

The Ayr Gold Cup, The Mill Reef, and a missing caravan

It was a cracking week with Sunday drinks in Lambourn, a London racing lunch, surrounded by old chums who were served the most outstanding roast beef I have eaten for the past five decades; and topped with a backgammon dinner at The Hon’s Club, this time with delicious pork chop the size of a tomahawk […]

Doctors and Dogs all survive the Diary clash.

The online diary is awash with appointments, reminders, and “Possibles” and great care has to be taken in their acceptance and insertions, as The Hon’s ability to deliver me from A to B runs the risk of being severely impaired. That sounds grand and truly isn’t meant to; the reality is that I only have […]

Is The Age of Unreason here yet?

An interesting week, that started with my reading the findings of an Employment Tribunal. It was, in brief, the report of a chap who had worked at a bank in management for almost 30 years, and who dutifully attended an HR exercise in Race education, laid on by his employer. In that session, and as […]

Parky RIP and Eeh Bah Gum

We’re heading for a splendid weekend of sporting action, after a pretty decent social week involving a good mix of work (little), jolly lunches and alcohol (lots). The only real blot on the horizon was caused by opening my mouth to eulogise the chance of Eeh Bah Gum at 6:00 at Windsor on Thursday, to […]

I feel obliged to explain…

Not even midnight and I have already told a bookmaker to close my account on the grounds of impertinence; threatened a minor Building Society with more reputational damage than a Nigel Farage letter; made money on the Sweden-Spain game; written an elevator pitch; unpacked a grocery order and been marginally surprised by the bosom on […]

Aaah go on then… I was going to be watching anyway

Very brief – very quick – very late. Must hit the sack so that I’m ready for the Laydeez. I fear the worst if the Nigeria game was anything to go by – but the commentators seemed to imply it was some sort of divine right to go through. The same sort of nonsense appears […]

Goodwood Day 5 – The Stewards Cup and Pemmican Hash

Saturday 00:22 am: Lambourn Back home, exhausted but so pleased to have seen so many chums, all looking so well. Back to unpacking and admiring the newly painted east-wing bathroom. Back to demanding emails and for The Hon unpacking and dog-whispering. Back to simple foods as well. Pemmican hash and ketchup and some left-over treacle tart […]

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