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13th April 2024 9:17 am

“A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries."

Cheltenham – An Apology

These Donors Are AMAZING Thank You

William S – MEJi – Peter N – Nigel B – Ken C – Mark S – James D – William M – Fiona M – Julian A – Jonathan H – Mrs V.M – Pete BN – Gavin C – Thom S – Sarah C – Mark S – Sam H – James R

The management would like to apologise to all those who feel in any way underwhelmed by the astonishing absence of success delivered by Captain Kneesup’s team of expert analysts here at Raceweb Towers over Cheltenham week.

As those of you who have dropped by for a glass of Old Bual and a little Seed Cake will know, the offices were never less than busy. The vaulted ceilings that covered the esplanade of desks, stretching as far as the eye could see, reminded one of the heady days of Soviet bureaucracy when a chap could march for a solid five minutes, simply to put a sheet of paper in a superior’s in-tray. Even with the benefits of modern technology, the levels of activity at Tips Central were on some days unsurpassed for their consumption of electricity and data. Much like the Bitcoin miners of today, the Raceweb team would be digging down for each and every nugget of intelligence, at huge personal costs to their personal hygiene and well-being. But no more.

The rot started at the beginning of March. We had had some minor setbacks, since we opened the batting in January with a 1000 pt bank and by 23rd Jan, we were standing at 1043 pts. A month later we had fallen below the 1000pt mark and hit on 989 pts as we went into March. The ensuing train crash left us on March 20th with 930 points.

So the desks have been cleared, the vast empire that was Raceweb Towers now echoes to the solitary footsteps of Kneesup. The staff have been dismissed, quicker than a P&O crew and I have volunteered the ones that can walk, for the Foreign Legion service…abroad. The Flat season is upon us and it is back to the old fashioned ways of stiffened sinews and summoned blood.

More pins – less data…. or is it the other way round? The only trouble with socking all the workers is that one has to type one’s own taps.

1:15 DONCASTER SBK Brocklesby Conditions Stakes Cl4 (2yo) 5f 13 run

The pin says NO BET

1:35 KELSO Schloss Roxburghe Go North Cab On Target Hcap Hdl Cl2 (4yo+) 2m5f 15 run

SHOUGALL’S BOY was well fancied LTO and has a 6lb rise for a distant 3rd (suggesting the handicapper thought it understated perhaps?) but benefits from a decent 7lb claimer. The winner SON OF THE SOMME but there are some tricky old cover-ups in this.

SHOUGALL’S BOY 1pt e/w

1:50 DONCASTER SBK Cammidge Trophy Stakes Cl1 (3yo+) 6f 7 run

GARRUS will be hard to beat, but MO CELITA was a very reliable ride last year improving from Sellers to C1. She has been placed to date in two-thirds of all her races, and is 4/6on G/S. The odds are wrong or rather right for us

MO CELITA 1½pts e/w

2:05 KEMPTON (AW) Unibet Magnolia Stakes Cl1 (4yo+) 1m2f 8 run

KING OF THE SOUTH was 2¼l behind the likely favourite FANCY MAN in the Winter Derby Trial at Lingfield in Feb. Reopposes today on a 1lb better terms, but I think 10f is his distance – certainly judging by his last run over 12f – so he looks value.

KING OF THE SOUTH 2pts e/w

2:25 DONCASTER SBK Spring Mile Hcap Cl2 (4yo+) 1m 9 run

I’m going for race fitness and David O’Meara’s STAR SHIELD who has won twice on the All Weather this winter and been placed several times.

STAR SHIELD 2pts e/w

2:40 KEMPTON (AW) Unibet Queen’s Prize Hcap Cl2 (4yo+ 0-100) 2m 10 run

A tight little race in which BANDINELLI has all the hallmarks of being progressive and I think he’s going to be a player in the stayers category this year. An impressive victory here in November and he gets 3lbs from the older horses. There is some value to be had in AURIFEROUS.

BANDINELLI 3 pts win

3:00 DONCASTER SBK Doncaster Mile Stakes Cl1 (4yo+) 1m 4 run

No Bet

3:15 KELSO Herring Queen Series Final Mares’ Novices’ Hcap Hdl Cl2 (4yo+) 2m 9 run

Alan King’s HASEEFAH will like the faster ground, has had a break and was a decent flat performer who had a turn of foot. Away from the mud traps, when has a chance to shine. MARTHA WILLOW has also had a run of bad luck and a cut knee LTO might have explained the result and her dislike of the ground.

HASEEFAH 2pt e/w – MARTHA WILLOW 1 pt e/w

3:35 DONCASTER SBK Lincoln Cl2 (4yo+) 1m 22 run

Only once in the past 7 years has David O’Meara failed to have a placed horse. DARKNESS is having his first run as a gelding and HORTZADAR was a 2l third last year. (O’Meara’s other runner was 5th)

DARKNESS 2½pts e/w – HORTZADAR 1½ pts e/w 

 

 

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