A little bit of French, a touch of Swahili and a dollop of nag. Here’s a lot of tips

Back at 2:00am, from a delicious dinner in London at Le Colombier next to the Royal Marsden. Super service, a sensational wine list, a good collection of Chelsea’s finest 70-somethings who patently regarded the place as their caff, and some excellent food, including a very good Fricassée de Rognons de Veau à la Dijonnaise.

The owner, Didier Garnier, once described it as “…a bit like a Club with no fee.” If you’ve never been, treat Madame or Monsieur to some proper and exquisite French.

I once had to write 1000 times at school over three nights, “Procrastination is the thief of time”. Anonymous. including all the punctuation marks. You would have thought I’d have learned by now about going off-piste for which I apologise. I was incensed over my croissants this morning by a pretentious little twerp, Gillian Burke, who inevitably is a BBC presenter of nature programmes alongside that other cornerstone of the breakfast choking fit, Chris “you’re just attacking me because I’m vulnerable and you hate animals” Packham. She has declared that using English names for African wildlife is ‘jarring’ to her ears and that she prefers to refer to animals by their traditional Swahili names rather than those commonly used in the BBC’s acclaimed nature programmes.

She declared there is an “inequality in who gets to do the naming, and we are ‘unwittingly wielding some form of power by naming wild animals”. She has every right to say this because she talks from the rare position of having lived in Nairobi (7m inhabitants and 270 sq miles in size) for many, many years, right in the epicentre of the bush (although the bush must have moved since I was last there). When I say many years, it was until she was ten. Then she moved to the great rolling veldt of… Austria. This was followed by her then moving to the giant savannah plains of Bristol University. However, she’s nobody’s fool because she admitted that she understood that Swahili is a mixture of other languages and that she would need to “dip deeper” to find the “true indigenous animal names”. Without sounding pretentious, she trilled, “In my writing, I prefer re-introducing these familiar animals by their Swahili names. Ndovu (elephant), twiga (giraffe), fisi (hyena) and my personal favourite, because I used to love how my dad said it, kongoni (hartebeest).”

It is reasonable to assume that she is a fluent Swahili speaker and will thus be familiar with the old saying: “Chema chajiuza, kibaya chajitembeza” – unless she doesn’t get my Bantu dialect. It means, of course, that a good thing sells itself, and a bad thing must be advertised. Perhaps she would find this old and wise saying more apt: “Debe tupu haliachi kuvuma.“, which everyone knows means “An empty tin never stops making noise.”

Talking of donkeys that don’t always run fast for a man with a pin (Punda si mara zone hukimbia haraka kwa mtu mwenye pini), here are my thoughts.

*= not on ITV

NEWMARKET

13:45 William Hill Extra Place Races Handicap (Class 2) (6f)

RABAAH 4 pts win – APOLLO ONE 3 pts e/w – STERLING KNIGHT 1½ pts e/w –

14:20 William Hill Suffolk Stakes (Class 2) (Heritage Handicap) (1m1f)

THEORY OF EVERYTHING 4 pts Win – LIBERTY LANE 2 pts e/w (Don’t know how to slot BOPEDRO in…)

14:55 William Hill Palace House Stakes (Group 3) (5f)

BEAUTIFUL DIAMOND 5 pts Win

15:35 QIPCO 2000 Guineas Stakes (Group 1) (1m)

ALYANAABI 3 pts e/w – INISHERIN 1pt E/W – GHOSTWRITER to beat CITY OF TROY – ALYANAABI 2 x 1pts SFC

1:10* William Hill British EBF The Kilvington Stakes Cl1 6f

STAR GUEST 5 pts Win – HERITAGE HOUSE 2 pts e/w

4:10* William Hill Epic Boost Handicap Cl2 1m4f

REAL DREAM 4 pts Win

4:45* William Hill Bet In-Running Handicap Cl2 6f

EYE OF DUBAI 4 pts Win

5:15* William Hill Keep Your Raceday Positive “Confined” Handicap (Which Have Won No More Than One Race) 7f

RUN BOY RUN 2 pts e/w – PEDRO VALENTINO 2 pts e/w

5:50* HKJC World Pool Handicap Cl3 1m

SPERIAMO e/w

GOODWOOD

14:05 William Hill Conqueror Fillies’ Stakes (Listed) (1m)

SECRET SOLACE has had just four races and has never missed the podium. 3rd in Listed company after a seven-month break so I’m assuming she’ll handle the absence of racing. That day, she was beaten by subsequent Group 3 winner Araminta and Listed winner Understated, which is pretty decent form.

SECRET SOLACE 2 pts e/w

THIRSK

14:40 Vickers.Bet Thirsk Hunt Cup Handicap (Class 2) (1m)

PISANELLO goes well fresh and has a 5lb pull with NORTHERN EXPRESS and that should make all the difference. TITAN ROCK wears a first-time hood which if it helps the horse to settle well early on, could give him a  winning chance.

PISANELLO 4 pts Win – TITAN ROCK 2 pts e/w 4 places

PUNCHESTOWN*

2:30 Donohue Marquees Cross Country Chase 3m½f

ARCTIC PEARL 2 pts e/w

3:05 Colm Quinn BMW Handicap Chase 3m7½f

PEACHES AND CREAM useful  – won this race in 2022, from 6lb higher. Looked to be going OK when fell in the Ulster National 8 days ago. If no issues must have a big shout.WESTERN ZARA looks as though the trip would benefit.

PEACHES AND CREAM – WESTERN ZARA 2 pts e/w both 6p generally

3:40 Coolmore Mares Champion Hurdle (Grade 1) 2m4½f

Lossiemouth seeks a fourth Grade 1 success No Bet

4:15 Palmerstown House Estate Pat Taaffe Handicap Chase C1 3m½f

Favourite CRUZ CONTROL is going for a hat-trick after winning the valuable handicap chase at Aintree on Grand National Day. Got 4lbs extra  – but still has a favourite’s chance.  BLACKJACK MAGIC won Wincanton’s Badger Beer and is being backed – one suspects because he has something in hand of his mark. GLENGOULY ran well in the National but didn’t stay and unseated four out. He must have a chance on his best form (2nd of 18 in Gowran’s Thyestes). We backed SPANISH HARLEM LTO when 6th in the Scottish Grand National last time. DIGBY will like the better ground and has been freshened up for this. He’ll do for me

DIGBY 3 pts e/w

4:50 Ballymore Champion Four Year Old Hurdle (Grade 1) 2m

KARGESE was runner-up in the Triumph Hurdle and in the Grade 1 at Aintree and takes on the previously unbeaten BOTTLER’SECRET. There might be some value in looking at the Betting-Without market. Just for the crack I’m going to have a small e.w on Rachael Blackmore’s ride, MISS MANZOR.

MISS MANZOR 1 pt e/w

5:25 SBK Gold Trophy Handicap Hurdle C12m4½f

Almost impossible – trickiest handicap of the day.

MONBEG PARK 4 pts e/w -THE VERY MAN 3 pts e/w – COMFORT ZONE 2 pts e/w