Only two things irritated my old chum Hilson more than a lousy end-box player on a Blackjack table. They were Antis and Vegetarians, and both were embodied in Linda McCartney. This antipathy was partially a result of Hilson suffering from a collapsed lung whilst wintering in Malindi, which required him to fly home, get fixed,…
A Letter from The Management
What Ho, No post today per se, but I have done a simplified selection list below. Many of them are favourites or top 3 in the betting – that’s just the nature of this ground and the huge number of drawn horses. There is no post because we have suffered several site attacks throughout the…
Call me old-fashioned – in the eighties sense
I bought a record today. It is Fairytale of New York and it is one of my favourite Christmas songs. I did it because there is a growing underground movement driven by the now-aged and ultimately doomed rebels among us to make it Christmas Number One. Part of my admiration is that, despite his boozing…
A reader writes, (and this might stop that happening in the future)
Three emails this week from readers. There were others of course, but in the main, I try not to buy Lobsters over the Interweb and I am no longer concerned at the chemical engorgement of my nethers. The first wanted to know how successful I was in my tipping. I hate letters like that. There…
Universe upon universe and so ad infinitum
For those of you who have already grasped the Quantum Sciences involved in the Many-Worlds Interpretation (MWI), I apologise. For the rest of us pedestrians, it is perhaps easier to simply say that the MWI is one of the most controversial and fascinating interpretations of quantum mechanics. It proposes that there are infinitely many universes…
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
… shall think themselves mighty relieved they don’t have to do another day, fighting the Cheltenham Parking Gauleiters who surely should be considered a potential terrorist operation. Yesterday, the gate that had operated perfectly sweetly and easily in October, and this Friday, was shut to people with an acceptable badge, which had become unacceptable over…
Cheltenham Open Day 2 and the IJF have no diaries to sell
So near and yet so far – the punting today had much the same air as Chicky Oaksey having to explain why there won’t be any Injured Jockey diaries until December. The Friday of the open meeting is Countryside Day. When the shires come out to see mates, bid in the British Olympic Equestrian team’s…
I vote Labour, but my butler’s a Tory
I thought you might be interested in seeing this 1929 General Election Poster and this artice’s title, which is a quote from Louis Mountbatten. “The inspectors all round” is so ironic given what we now know about this Government’s founding of the Rapid Response Unit (Cabinet Office) – The Counter Disinformation Unit (MOD (77Brigade) and…
Move over Nostradamus – The SPAD v2.0 is here!
The COVID inquiry has, thank the Lord, identified and widely publicised the least efficient ways for Government ministers, advisors and Special Ones to be potent forces of efficiency by replacing the language of the Mandarins with fifty ways to say Ferk on Wassup. As a result, it misses many key points of evidence, such as…
Night Nurse with Tonic?
The week seems to have consisted almost entirely of coughing out my lungs. Incapable of movement without hacking, I seem to have been watching endless cookery programmes whilst drinking Bovril Amontillado, much like Captain EV Kinross RN in the film In Which We Serve. I find this more palatable and easier on the nethers than…
And so it begins
A dreadful week. I have been told not to write against stupidity, moral grandstanding, the pernicious growth of anti-semitism, virtue signalling, the ludicrous fear of the word transition, the stifling of free speech, the collapse in varying degrees of our economy, language, and common sense, and coming soon a time when all our fears re…
Back, Back and Baccy
Somewhere between Lambourn and Aphrodite’s alleged watering hole, both The Hon and I did our backs in, and so it’s off to the back-cracker for some remedial work at £8m a pop. What a business to be in. You’re never healed and once the hands have provided some relief you’re back again and again. At…
ITV TIPS DIRECT FROM CYPRUS!
This may or may not work, but at least I’ve tried. My fourth Aperol Spritz before lunch doesn’t help!
It’s a Group 1 Weekend, and Arc, and Ryder, and rugger and, and… !
It is the end of a truly miserable week, which, after much aggravation, has been almost resolved. Quite apart from flu and COVID jabs, and a trip to Coventry to see the dentist and to have my fear of needles, dentists and girls putting their hand in my mouth tested to the max, I seem…
Ryder, Arc and Cyprus – work, work, work
The Trustees of The Kneesup Foundation (World Peace through Gastronomy motto: Edere et bibere, et gaudeamus) have tasked me to fly to Cyprus to see if The Hon and I can help bring together this tiny, divided island through the simple act of redistributing the last few centimes left us by the crooks of this…
The Ayr Gold Cup, The Mill Reef, and a missing caravan
It was a cracking week with Sunday drinks in Lambourn, a London racing lunch, surrounded by old chums who were served the most outstanding roast beef I have eaten for the past five decades; and topped with a backgammon dinner at The Hon’s Club, this time with delicious pork chop the size of a tomahawk…
Doncaster St Leger Day 3
I was going to tell you some fascinating gossip I heard yesterday about two trainers in York who were apparently entertaining Ms. X, the daughter of another trainer with the modern equivalent of some Sherbert dip. Papa was deeply unamused when he walked in on the home science experiment and pistols at dawn were discussed….
Doncaster St Leger Meeting Day 2
The Dentist calls, and I must be away at O-Crack, so there is no time for chats. The day was a disappointment not because they were rubbish selections but because they were there or thereabouts. The first broke slowly and stayed slow; in the second, the selection was third, but I had mentioned the winner….
Doncaster St Leger Meeting Day 1
The Hon has gone to do 3rd lot with Ben Pauling and to take a bacon sarnie off him. I have to find three duvets and a box of linen, all of which seem to have dematerialised but which need to be found because there are house guests tonight and again on Saturday. In between,…
Doctors and Dogs all survive the Diary clash.
The online diary is awash with appointments, reminders, and “Possibles” and great care has to be taken in their acceptance and insertions, as The Hon’s ability to deliver me from A to B runs the risk of being severely impaired. That sounds grand and truly isn’t meant to; the reality is that I only have…
Is The Age of Unreason here yet?
An interesting week, that started with my reading the findings of an Employment Tribunal. It was, in brief, the report of a chap who had worked at a bank in management for almost 30 years, and who dutifully attended an HR exercise in Race education, laid on by his employer. In that session, and as…
York Ebor Day 4
The Golf is going well and the TV screen is full of bronzed millionaires in the sun. Having done the rounds of Shagaluf a few months ago, the travel bug is once more strengthening its grip on my psyche and urging me to head for the last of the summer sun, somewhere perhaps where the…
York Ebor Meeting Day 3
Two men have been arrested over the fire at the Crooked House pub in Himley, Staffordshire police have said. A 66-year-old man from Dudley and a 33-year-old man from Milton Keynes have been arrested on suspicion of arson with intent to endanger life. The force said both men remained in custody on Thursday and were being questioned…
York Ebor Meeting Day 2 & THE TOUR Championship Tips
So farewell then Yevgeny Prigozhin However hard we practised, no one could say your name but Putin could, and put it on the passenger list. Surprise! EJ Thribb Aged 17½ Talking of possibly too many air miles, Paddington was thought to have simply done too much this calendar year with eight increasingly tough races since…
It was the best of times, it was the worst…
I suppose with hindsight, we should all be thrilled that we haven’t got another bank holiday out of the weekend. Almost everywhere I looked and as far as the eye could see, there were horizons full of cheering fans, all back-slapping and congratulations. We had days earlier smashed the semi-final Aussie result, with all three…
Parky RIP and Eeh Bah Gum
We’re heading for a splendid weekend of sporting action, after a pretty decent social week involving a good mix of work (little), jolly lunches and alcohol (lots). The only real blot on the horizon was caused by opening my mouth to eulogise the chance of Eeh Bah Gum at 6:00 at Windsor on Thursday, to…
A great result for Raceweb – and English Women of all ages
Captain Kneesup got the spreads spot on yesterday, and thanks to the brilliant No 23 shirt worn by Alessio Russo Raceweb racked up over 40 points of profit. Well done Captain, (or CK as he is known in the dressing room). This is my first full post as Raceweb’s Golfing correspondent and whilst the tips…
I feel obliged to explain…
Not even midnight and I have already told a bookmaker to close my account on the grounds of impertinence; threatened a minor Building Society with more reputational damage than a Nigel Farage letter; made money on the Sweden-Spain game; written an elevator pitch; unpacked a grocery order and been marginally surprised by the bosom on…
Aaah go on then… I was going to be watching anyway
Very brief – very quick – very late. Must hit the sack so that I’m ready for the Laydeez. I fear the worst if the Nigeria game was anything to go by – but the commentators seemed to imply it was some sort of divine right to go through. The same sort of nonsense appears…
Cashless though not quite potless – pray to St Jude in Golf.
One would be naive to believe that the Government which effectively “owns” Natwest, is not in the enviable position of both being able to manipulate or pressurise Natwest into doing precisely what it wants the bank to do. But as is constantly explained, their/our shareholding is at “arms-length” and thus the bank’s activities are in…
Goodwood Day 5 – The Stewards Cup and Pemmican Hash
Saturday 00:22 am: Lambourn Back home, exhausted but so pleased to have seen so many chums, all looking so well. Back to unpacking and admiring the newly painted east-wing bathroom. Back to demanding emails and for The Hon unpacking and dog-whispering. Back to simple foods as well. Pemmican hash and ketchup and some left-over treacle tart…
GLORIOUS GOODWOOD – Days 1-4
dayFRIDAY 4th August: Bepton A much better day weather -wise, but the stewards were busy with non-runners and the failure of a number of horses to perform on the ground. In the 6th race, I was staggered that only 3 days had been handed out – but then Novus did win, so in the end…
Excuse me while I school my soul
Once again I approach the weekend with a heart quickened by the conviction that this time, hope will triumph over experience. The cricket looks good, and the 3m golf isn’t a disaster, indeed as I write I can green up to get 4/15 about my money. The F1 looks interesting depending on the weather and…
Mayyyte – oh maayyyyte
I am very wary of the Woke and of the new threat or potential for a member of Boodles or Whites to come striding up and saying “Mate” in a really whiny voice because they think I have said something anti-women. This all stems from Sadiq Khan’s new advertising campaign for the Protection of Rural…
When news personalities mask a wider truth
Forget Nigel Farage and The Couts Bank (I might have misspelt that) and the ludicrous arguments I have seen and heard when Vox Populi is asked to express an opinion. This isn’t about just rich people or famous people or Politically Exposed People. This is about my Lambourn neighbour. A charming lady in our village…
An abundance of sporting riches – but no time to enjoy
As the rest of Europe fries and the unwary make their way to an airport in order to stay inside but abroad, a few of us will have made plans that require very little effort. Imagine if you will, that it is Thursday. You were awake at 6:30 and you were able to listen as…
A jolly pub lunch – but for how much longer
I have to declare an interest… I eat and drink out at the drop of a hat. I also eat the hat if given half a chance. I have a long-term interest in ensuring that there are sufficient interesting places for me to eat and drink in – and I include you all by extension…
Crikey – Omar Khayam was spot on.
Almost as soon as I put the typing digits back inside their silk gloves, the first of The Cap Backwards Boys stepped out under the Wimbledon roof and was gone. Another came and went, and although both players have assured futures, and are good-looking, with charming and athletic personalities, you just sense some wise owl…
Warming up for The Open? Yes, it’s the Scottish Open
Quite why an American-Romanian family called Sarvardi thought that taking 300 acres off the Duke of Hamilton right next door to Muirfield and sticking another Golf Course on it was a good idea, bamboozled a lot of people at the beginning of this century. But former Texan aviation fuel wholesaler, Jerry Sarvardi and his brother…
So farewell Sparkey – a proper chap
I had a coffee with Angus Lochrane, aka Statto, at Ascot the other day. He was the resident statistician on the BBC Two television show Fantasy Football League. You might remember him clad in a dressing gown and pyjamas as he stood in the corner of the set and provided facts and figures on each…
94 Not Out – a beacon of indomitability
This week The Hon and I headed off to Warminster for a family Lunch to celebrate my Aunt’s 94th birthday. Recovering from the scourge of cellulitis, this extraordinarily adroit, cogent, witty English woman is the last surviving Kneesup Aunt. She had organised coronation chicken and salads and asparagus wrapped in smoked salmon, new potatoes, puds,…
Not quite cricket old/young/ageless chap/girl/non-binary.
The recovery from Ascot saw me watching the 2nd Ashes Test on Sky or listening to TMS, and in both cases, as I gave my liver a rest by drinking anything but Rose, I found myself gently ticking with the constant jibes in commentary from historical giants of the game such as Michael Vaughan and…
ROYAL ASCOT 2023 DAY 5
Another delicious lunch, another day of near misses, this time followed by a dinner with a brace of Norwegian Colonels. The attrition rate on my liver must stop soon. After today, I think I might take a week off and will maybe post a few tips by email if so inspired.
ROYAL ASCOT 2023 DAY 4
A lunch party in Lambourn for a dozen or so; a TV on the blink thanks to the WiFi failing to connect correctly to the Sky Mini. This small box is theoretically attached to the Sky Q. This is attached in every sense, to my wallet on a permanent, albeit only half-working, but always charging…
ROYAL ASCOT 2023 DAY 3
We had another 20/1 winner on Wednesday and got chinned on the line with Random Harvest who I could not believe remained stubbornly available at 20/1+ despite being at level weights with the third-placed favourite. I simply lumped more on – but stupidly did not think to back it with the field in an Exacta….
ROYAL ASCOT 2023 DAY 2
The Golf was a bit disappointing – and especially for Rory McIlroy who lost by one stroke to Wyndham Clark who was also investigated for an alleged infraction of Rule 14.7a. You know the one surely… it forbids a ball from being played from the wrong spot. Sitting in the rough off the back nine,…
ROYAL ASCOT 2023 DAY 1
Loins girded, Titfer polished, socks found, and monocular hung, I am ready. I think I am on top of everything including the wretched ticketing system. Do they really think the Duchess of Fotheringay aged 80 knows whether her phone is Android or Google Pay or even on? Then the email advertising I swear has doubled!…
Maintain justice, for it will not maintain us.
What a joy – sunny weather, the start of the Ashes series and a solid start to The US Open. Sitting outside, listening to TMS, a glass of recovery juice in my hand after a brace of croissants and some coffee. Not a hint of breeze to move my papers around on the table as…
Tuesday’s Ascot proves too strong a siren call
Lunch with chums near Malmesbury on Sunday, and I ran into David Lloyd-George, who will know by the time you read this whether he is to be (reinvested – reignited – reinterred? I’m sure there’s some particular name for it), admitted to the House of Lords to take up a spare hereditary seat for the…
A sunny weekend – with a chance of drowning!
You might recall last weekend we had The Derby and later… The Dash. You might further recall we had put up a short list of four for the race; namely ANCIENT TIMES – VINTAGE CLARETS – RECON MISSION – SILKY WILKIE. I was pleased that one of them, Silky Wilkie, was in a bobbing head…