As the new mob beds in at Westminster and a bunch of sads implode because Jose Esplanade is a brute and Jesus della Saucisson isn’t brute enough when it comes to training for a faux-dance competition, the entire question of good and bad behaviour is under the spotlight. It’s poor form to shoot at the…
Newbury
Thank you Brian for my good dinner, Amen
A very happy day at Newbury yesterday, hidden away from The Hon and the Nephew in a box with Nicky Henderson, the Lambourn Jet Set, some City High Flyers and assorted other good eggs. The event was a charity lunch Nicky has chaired for almost a decade in aid of Starlight, a children’s charity that…
York Day 3 – and some of Newbury
Nothing much to report today. South West Water has admitted to failings… more train strikes are coming… the collusion between China and Russia over who gets what bits after the wheat fields are all irradiated remains intact and en route… the BHA remains in power and hasn’t been disbanded by ARC… really it’s pretty much…
Not actually Posted – but sent by email
What ho,- Many of you might have heard I was taking The Hon hill-walking in Tuscany this week. In fact, we swerved it because of two family deaths, an unsteady pater, a filthy weather report, and an inability to agree on an itinerary. So, instead, we headed off to Tenerife, having acquired a taste for…
A flat start to The Flat
Doesn’t life change rapidly? Last week, the supposed greatest racing festival, today is the start of the Flat season. Yesterday, we went off to Wallingford to see Chitty Chitty Bang Bang done by the local players – which was fab and, in places, rather surprisingly sexy – or maybe I’m just a sad old git….
How did Jeffrey do it?
My hero, Jeffrey Joseph Bernard, of sainted fame, could any day after 6:00 pm do a bottle of vodka, consume a decent dinner, talk racing happily for hours, drink claret, smoke a packet of fags, go to Grouchos, pull a barmaid and be tucked up in bed by 2:00 am. I tried this yesterday without…
The 2023 Crackers Report – and ITV Racing tips
If you can, spend a few moments on YouTube or Racing TV catching up on the two Irish Christmas racing festivals – especially Leopardstown. Jeepers, they have some excellent animals. Alternatively, look up the last races of these runners who make up my go-to list for winners next March. They all ran and won over…
Call me old-fashioned – in the eighties sense
I bought a record today. It is Fairytale of New York and it is one of my favourite Christmas songs. I did it because there is a growing underground movement driven by the now-aged and ultimately doomed rebels among us to make it Christmas Number One. Part of my admiration is that, despite his boozing…
A reader writes, (and this might stop that happening in the future)
Three emails this week from readers. There were others of course, but in the main, I try not to buy Lobsters over the Interweb and I am no longer concerned at the chemical engorgement of my nethers. The first wanted to know how successful I was in my tipping. I hate letters like that. There…
The Ayr Gold Cup, The Mill Reef, and a missing caravan
It was a cracking week with Sunday drinks in Lambourn, a London racing lunch, surrounded by old chums who were served the most outstanding roast beef I have eaten for the past five decades; and topped with a backgammon dinner at The Hon’s Club, this time with delicious pork chop the size of a tomahawk…
Parky RIP and Eeh Bah Gum
We’re heading for a splendid weekend of sporting action, after a pretty decent social week involving a good mix of work (little), jolly lunches and alcohol (lots). The only real blot on the horizon was caused by opening my mouth to eulogise the chance of Eeh Bah Gum at 6:00 at Windsor on Thursday, to…
When news personalities mask a wider truth
Forget Nigel Farage and The Couts Bank (I might have misspelt that) and the ludicrous arguments I have seen and heard when Vox Populi is asked to express an opinion. This isn’t about just rich people or famous people or Politically Exposed People. This is about my Lambourn neighbour. A charming lady in our village…
Don’t take your Cocker out at Newbury
So modern am I that I have my newspapers delivered to my electronic tablet. The tablet allows me to simultaneously play Radio 4, catch up with the latest emails telling me that Mrs Ojukwe Djlabba has left me $4m in Nigerian government bonds and signal when the next colour sample or delivery of tiny pots…
When the chips are down, just think of Bert and Mary Poppins
There have been moments in one’s life, as one limps away from the smouldering wreck, that you think, “Well, that could have been worse.” Perhaps it was after one had made the incorrect decision to have the Steak Tartare in Le Grand Café de la Poste, a charming and iconic watering hole in the heart…
The final review of Cheltenham – and today’s racing tips
The executive summary to a review of The Cheltenham NH Festival 2023 – were anyone to ask me for an opinion – would be thus: Brilliant racing, marred by a Customer Experience (CX) that does not encourage further returns. However, the issues surrounding the CX are quite possibly 75% out of the hands of Cheltenham…
You only get some bums visit once a year
A tiring but jolly and good Friday in town, where I attend the AGM and annual lunch of The Turf Automobile Society. This august body was only established recently and is closely involved with defining the correct procedures for advancing transport systems and vehicle management for those uninclined or prevented from motoring to or from…
A new exciting national PM Hunt season gets under way
We live in a world where it is increasingly difficult not to have some major cause for unsettling angst. Penury, hypothermia, dehydration, pandemic, nuclear war, infrastructure collapse, Starmer, Truss, SNP and Dementia… and that was just this morning’s list. The latter came into sharp focus this AM when I reached for the mouthwash and placed…
I will not declare any selections for Newbury’s last
Endless news from the BBC telling me of the Red Warning for firestorms in Auchtermuchty, the first since Mrs McGregor set fire to the Chip Pan, causing a column of black smoke that could be seen clear across the firth. Government advice is being handed out even as I type: Go immediately to your nearest…
The FA Cup, Golf and The Lockinge
They’re racing early tomorrow because of the FA Cup. For some reason, I had it in my head that the Cup was next weekend and that this weekend we had The French Grand Prix. I spent 20 minutes proving to myself that The French GP is in fact the Spanish and that it is happening…
The eyes have it – the eyes still have it.
Before I tell you about my week, I apologise for the number of links I have included. They are there because I think they’re important and I hope you’ll click and read them. Most of it is considerably more illuminating than my own scribbles. I had lunch this week with my old chum, the former…
OFGEM: Office that Forgot to Get Energy Made
It is morning. You sit at your table, the sideboard creaks with chaffing dishes keeping the devilled kidneys a point, the poached eggs at a perfectly-held softness, the grilled tomatoes sweetened with their own caramelisation ready to support the saltiness of the dry-cured streaky from a Gloucester Old-Spot. Scrote, the hunched family retainer, brings in…
It’s the little things that make one itch
Robert Duvall – possibly my favourite American film actor – once said: “It’s no big thing, but you make big things out of little things sometimes.” Ain’t that the living truth! I made a dinner that pleased Madame – largely because it came from The Cast Iron Elephant – but which lacked quelq’un and simply…
There are moments when tis wise to stay shtum
I don’t know about you gentle readers, but about every six weeks, the old fleas start to scratch and you know it’s time for the barber. In my case, the barber is a raven-haired and good-looking woman, who has an Arthurian name and she has cared for my hair, for at least the last five…
It was ghastly and mawkish and I miss it
I saw most of the Olympics through the eyes of the BBC and mostly with Clare Balding and former-professional International footballer Alex Scott. Clare is so consistently, irritatingly good that it becomes something of a sport in itself, desperately focussing on whether she’ll commit some Private-Eye-worthy ColemanBalls. Given the 70+ hours of presenting that she…
Avoiding the weather puns about Snowfall.
As Open tipping short-lists go, the one that ended my last posting was pretty good. “I was torn for my 5th selection to pick from a shortlist of KOEPKA, LEISHMAN, OOSTHUIZEN and SPIETH and it was easy for me to swerve the favourite. So I didn’t back any of them and will wait until later…
Chips with everything. Huzzah!
This diet malarkey is doing my head in. I am obsessed with the numbers of Kcals (what was wrong with Cals?), and the difference between Carbs and Protein, (not a clue), and whether Dopamine or Thiamine are the same things. All I know is that every meal has to be recorded religiously, nay zealously on…
Kick-on Sunday
With the void left by Polly Dog and The Duke of Edinburgh, across our personal and national psyches, the unelected medical elite has decided to take back their rightful positions at the head of news coverage. The Pandemic Panjandrums are all plenists to their very fingertips and in their horror vacui, 4:01 pm on Saturday,…
They’re Off!
A two-parter this week – Tips and comment on Cheltenham. This first, though, as they’re almost OFF for the first day of the 2021 Flat season. Also The tips for The Dubai World Cup and the first race of the 2021 Grand Prix season. Talking of wheels almost certainly coming off, here is the tip…
Another quiet week with nothing on the news
You get weeks like that, don’t you? You can have month after month when the papers are full of horror stories, and the TV and radio stations spout doom and gloom every hour on the hour. A relentless montage of death, destruction and loss. Friends, neighbours, citizens, strangers all weeping and wailing, and all being…
Bad Luck Ben and Jim – and good luck to us today.
The stupidest question ever asked of any sportsman, as their hopes, self-worth, future careers and personal reputation lie in tattered, bedraggled pieces in full view of a watching and sometimes, smirking world is: How does that feel? For Sir Ben Ainslie and his sponsor, Ineos owner Sir Jim Ratcliffe, that pile includes £110m of investment, the…
Five Gold Rings, The Mandarin Chase and The Matheson Hurdle
There has been some excellent racing at Leopardstown over the Christmas Festival, and it has offered many clues for the future. Throughout, I keep thinking how nice the place looks, despite the motorway, Creche, Microsoft HQ, and what looks like the early warning system from Day of The Triffids. Once this wretched Covid is over,…
The Fighting Fifth and a drop of Hennessy
A cracking race in the Berkshire saw the Memsahib’s grey get up, although she hadn’t backed it because she was busy rallying the troops on the parliamentary front line. Sadly it did Lostintranslation’s chance in after a gallant battle. We’d backed Clondaw Castle for 8s and he went off 11/2 and saw his race out…
Perhaps I might become a Stable Lad?
I have no idea what the argument is with Rishi, because I don’t take The Racing Post anymore. (That doesn’t make me a bad person, I just started to find the absence of competition made their copy somewhat compliant). However, I gather Rishi said something along the lines of why aren’t more Lads from a…
Cheltenham Day 2 and the last gasps of the Flat
A dreadful start to the new season yesterday, and my fingers are crossed that I’ll get my “jumping eye” in soon. I have spent a large chunk of the day, trying to get a chum to complete a task she agreed to undertake. Nada. Zip. Nothing. Why do people take on so much that they…
The Ig Nobel shortlist for horserace tipping includes …
After yesterday, I feel as though I deserve a nomination if nothing else. Three seconds, two thirds and a winner – admittedly in the Ayr Bronze Cup – but still, somehow a disappointment. In case you are one of those entirely in the dark, on the subject of Ig Nobel awards, I received news of…
All of Ayr, some of Newbury and decent Golf
A very decent start to the USGA Open and the course appears to have been far kinder than anticipated. We have a brace sharing second place, one who needs to get a wriggle on, and I fear one who won’t make the cut. I am hoping to be able to “Green Out” by close of…
A Grey day for a Kneesup lie-down
It is that time of year again, when Lady Kneesup, the former debutante Isadora Ablative-Courgette, haemorrhages cash like a Chancellor trying to save the nation’s economy. Simply put, she has created a “wagering system”, I use the term advisedly, that only requires one to back all the Grey horses in a race. Additionally, however, the…
Let’s hope Mr Jobsworth stays at home.
It’s going to be interesting to see what August 1st holds for Goodwood. I had already decided to attend and was planning to join a throng on Trundle Hill where, on that magnificent and historic site, the less-inherited have always watched the racing. I suspect there will be at least a 1,000 bodies with picnics…
Strange times indeed
If you thought this week that Time had taken leave of his/her/its senses, then you are not alone. Most of this week seems to have had every minute of each hour filled with angst at This tribal issue, and ennui at That. Do I really care if Sid and Bob sling a statue into the…
Laying Trump perhaps, plus a wonderful and informative TV card
My inbox delivered an interesting piece from Politico.com which political punters might find interesting. The article refers to the work of Ms Bitecofer, a political scientist of some repute, Putting aside the fact that at this stage in the USA’s presidential race any fresh political voice is a siren, Ms Bitecofer does appear to make…
Good exciting racing on Friday and even better to come on Saturday
The mighty O’Tool posted minutes after myself – I was unaware o didn’t notify you dear readers – and while not on fire, I think it safe to say that we are both pretty well in tune – maybe even on song. The records speak for themselves: POT 12.15 TRINCOMALEE 16/1 3rd 12:45 KHAGE Lost…
If Ladbrokes did Cognac, it would probably be called Hennessy
The Hennessy, The Schweppes, The Whitbread and The Massey-Ferguson. Capital The. It’s a Proper Noun, It’s also a Proper Racing Name and as such should have a BHA rule. This should state that, if you sponsor a race for over thirty years and you haven’t gone bust, the race will always carry your brand. Not…
Saturday’s TV Selections…
Not a desperate set of results on Friday and only really let down by the ground, fitness, speed, ability, horsemanship and skills of the participants and the stupidity of your correspondent. But for those small, inconsequential elements, we might very well have swept the board. We named the second and third in the first; and…
Saturday’s Racing
A good start to the day by buying the First Half French Score at 11+. Even better, because it is on a Sporting Index promo offer, so it is their money! The NZ game is deeply engaging, more so as I have rashly backed the SA Hotshots (Willie Le Roux, Cheslin Kolbe, Lukhanyo Am, Makazole…
Saturday 17th August TV Racing Tips
What Ho A generally quiet week behind me, but with many flurries on the political front. I have launched a petition, which might, inshallah, gain some traction. It simply asks that MPs who cross the floor or who lose their party’s whip because they have been bounders, rotters, cads, crooks, scoundrels or charlatans, face an…
Midweek Tips – PMA
A Positive Mental Attitude is what is required as we try to recover from Goodwood, which was by no menas all bad, but actually lleft me physically drained. I spent yesterday with an eye-guy who confirmed that surgery is needed, if I am to avoid picking the wrong numbers off racecards when predicting £250+ winning…
Racing Tips for Saturday
I am sadly unable to go to Newbury and see Tom Jones post-racing today. I just feel as though TJ’s voice is now better-heard in some New Orleans blues bar, sitting at a table with a beer, Katherine Hepburn and Jools Holland, rather than surrounded by Doris’ Hen Night and some leery lads, in the…