Saturday 00:22 am: Lambourn Back home, exhausted but so pleased to have seen so many chums, all looking so well. Back to unpacking and admiring the newly painted east-wing bathroom. Back to demanding emails and for The Hon unpacking and dog-whispering. Back to simple foods as well. Pemmican hash and ketchup and some left-over treacle tart…
Horseracing
GLORIOUS GOODWOOD – Days 1-4
dayFRIDAY 4th August: Bepton A much better day weather -wise, but the stewards were busy with non-runners and the failure of a number of horses to perform on the ground. In the 6th race, I was staggered that only 3 days had been handed out – but then Novus did win, so in the end…
A jolly pub lunch – but for how much longer
I have to declare an interest… I eat and drink out at the drop of a hat. I also eat the hat if given half a chance. I have a long-term interest in ensuring that there are sufficient interesting places for me to eat and drink in – and I include you all by extension…
Crikey – Omar Khayam was spot on.
Almost as soon as I put the typing digits back inside their silk gloves, the first of The Cap Backwards Boys stepped out under the Wimbledon roof and was gone. Another came and went, and although both players have assured futures, and are good-looking, with charming and athletic personalities, you just sense some wise owl…
So farewell Sparkey – a proper chap
I had a coffee with Angus Lochrane, aka Statto, at Ascot the other day. He was the resident statistician on the BBC Two television show Fantasy Football League. You might remember him clad in a dressing gown and pyjamas as he stood in the corner of the set and provided facts and figures on each…
ROYAL ASCOT 2023 DAY 5
Another delicious lunch, another day of near misses, this time followed by a dinner with a brace of Norwegian Colonels. The attrition rate on my liver must stop soon. After today, I think I might take a week off and will maybe post a few tips by email if so inspired.
ROYAL ASCOT 2023 DAY 4
A lunch party in Lambourn for a dozen or so; a TV on the blink thanks to the WiFi failing to connect correctly to the Sky Mini. This small box is theoretically attached to the Sky Q. This is attached in every sense, to my wallet on a permanent, albeit only half-working, but always charging…
ROYAL ASCOT 2023 DAY 3
We had another 20/1 winner on Wednesday and got chinned on the line with Random Harvest who I could not believe remained stubbornly available at 20/1+ despite being at level weights with the third-placed favourite. I simply lumped more on – but stupidly did not think to back it with the field in an Exacta….
ROYAL ASCOT 2023 DAY 2
The Golf was a bit disappointing – and especially for Rory McIlroy who lost by one stroke to Wyndham Clark who was also investigated for an alleged infraction of Rule 14.7a. You know the one surely… it forbids a ball from being played from the wrong spot. Sitting in the rough off the back nine,…
ROYAL ASCOT 2023 DAY 1
Loins girded, Titfer polished, socks found, and monocular hung, I am ready. I think I am on top of everything including the wretched ticketing system. Do they really think the Duchess of Fotheringay aged 80 knows whether her phone is Android or Google Pay or even on? Then the email advertising I swear has doubled!…
The Derby 2023
What a brilliant day for Frankie. I did not believe Emily Upjohn could do that although less surprised at Soul Sister’s Oaks’ victory. I was, however, reminded by John Gosden’s post-race interview as to why I find him so irritating. I hope Frankie has a great day on Saturday, but I’m also hoping that Gosden…
Tipping the balance with a big P
I am – like Victor Meldrew – in a state of utter bewilderment. Quite apart from this website showing a profit for the last three weeks, you might also have noticed the subject of paint cropping up occasionally. I thought it had been resolved. Having carefully chosen a colour scheme that, by chance, had a…
If it’s June 1st it must be time for a Derby Dinner.
Let me rush to say that I would have been unable to attend any dinners this week – even if I had been invited. Which I wasn’t. This is not a cry of pain from Norman Kneesup No-Mates; it is only through a combination of events beyond my control that I cannot leave Lambourn. Instead,…
When the chips are down, just think of Bert and Mary Poppins
There have been moments in one’s life, as one limps away from the smouldering wreck, that you think, “Well, that could have been worse.” Perhaps it was after one had made the incorrect decision to have the Steak Tartare in Le Grand Café de la Poste, a charming and iconic watering hole in the heart…
We might have seen The Oaks winner today.
As I suggested yesterday, SOUL SISTER was the wrong price, and Frankie duly bought the little 18/1 beauty home in The Musidora, to make a relatively solid contribution to The Royal Ascot badge fund. Huzzah, I thought. In fact, I had already huzzahed AZURE BLUE home for Team Kneesup at 12/1, so the whole day…
Can’t even pick a paint colour right these days!
I’m going to keep this brief this week largely because we are awash with sport. We have the US PGA Championship, The Italian GP, the league Play-Offs, The Dante meeting, Indy 500; it is relentless. From this melange, I have to develop the funds to pay for the Royal Ascot badges and two pre-planned barbecue…
It’s hard to find a spare channel for His Majesty with so much racing!
These last few days have been busy, so I had failed to notice that racing was actually “on” during the Coronation. For some reason, I had instead assumed that we would, as one nation, gather to watch HM, share a slice of savoury tart, (not a Quiche), a couple of glasses of Bolly and Three…
Aintree Grand National Festival Day 1
By the time you read this, the Factor 200 will be out, my solar topee will have been unpacked and I shall be singing lustily Una Paloma Blanco at the Albanian Jig-a-jig Piano Bar on the Magaluf strip. I’m not sure where The Hon will be, but not far away I suggest from the automatic…
CHELTENHAM DAY 4
We popped into The Tent to see chums and to apologise for The Hon’s picture appearing in the Daily Mail. The place was awash with Not Old People including Young Lochinvar who spent 20 minutes complaining about [a] my tipping [b] my lack of winners compared to his six by end of day 2 [c]…
CHELTENHAM DAY 3
Truth be told, there is not much to report. A supper party of Prawns in a tomato, garlic and chilli sauce, Cottage Pie and peas, Lemon Posset with macerated strawberries, English cheeses, French clarets, a very jolly team of guests and somehow time has flown and as I suspected might happen, I find myself short…
CHELTENHAM DAY 2
We returned from the jolly lunch to find a note from an old friend to say that she had found herself at a loose end and thus watched Cheltenham on the box. She who might weep in Othello for the pitiful Desdemona or for Mimi’s consumption wrote that she had been moved to tears by…
CHELTENHAM DAY 1: No more chanting yogic Uummms, it’s make-your-mind-up time!
This past weekend I spotted and wrote about a 17/2 winner (Dubai Station) that had the form of a donkey seen in a charity advert for a Middle East animal sanctuary, but which also had the whiff of Eau de Plot. Did I suggest you back it? No – I didn’t. I simply mentioned it…
A theatrical evening before Day 2 of Donny
I went to The Barn Theatre in Cirencester last night to see Driving Miss Daisy. The Barn is a relatively new theatre whose newness was stalled by Covid, but it has survived and without much scarring. The offerings to date have pleased me four times and irritated me twice, which is better than Chichester Festival…
Maybe the new PM heralds a time of Boom and Bust
I know, I know – I’m supposed to be a mature adult. Long gone is the former International Boulevardier. Instead, there is a shadow. A chap who has probably handed in his Wild Rover ticket, a quiet, unassuming, philosophical figure occasionally seen in the shadowed corners of The Poona Gymkhana Club with a Chota Peg…
The York Ebor Day 4
An agonisingly slow day in the office – but not at York where the ground simply got faster. No Stradivarius (not as predicted) and no Trueshan (exactly as predicted). I know my astonishing prescience of likely weather outcomes must have you reeling, but that was before we saw Quickthorn, which must surely have staggered us…
York Day Three
A day full of mixed emotions. The exam results bode well for young Theocrates with two A* and an A. Does this get him into the Maths department of his Uni of choice? Of course not – he is white and middle class and the place must go to someone with lesser grades who has…
York Day 2
Well, there can’t be many times when you get beaten out of sight and you’re cheering the photograph that shows you coming third. The result of that photograph in the Juddmonte International meant for Sir Busker’s owners £55,000 more prize money than the 4th horse – a total of £107,600. Their exceptional horse came third…
York Day 1
Thank God the rain has come. Except, of course, that the concrete-baked ground cannot soak it up, so it runs off. That in turn will lead to flash flooding. Never mind, better on than off, as my old Nanny used to say before packing me off to some Deb’s hop, and if it is going…
Newmarket July Festival Day 3
A dreadful day at Newmarket for readers of this column where we lost two selections in a horrific on-track accident. Both TRIBAL ART and SUMMER’S KNIGHT suffered terminal injuries in the Bet365 Trophy handicap. I won’t say any more, but I was already shouting at the screen before the accident, at the amount of scrimmaging…
Stand by to fend off all boarders: July Festival Day 2
The Hon. is diseased and I have run out the Yellow Jack to warn the bumboats, tinkers and itinerant matchstick sellers to stay away. I have had to move a number of appointments, and cancel a Sunday lunch that would have had a range of very splendid wines served alongside delicious food. I have changed…
The Newmarket July meeting – how cute.
As I sit at my desk, the summer idyll is only broken by the rolling TV news being broadcast into my office. The 1922 Committee is about to be called together, and at any moment I am expecting a call from No 10 as I become by accident, the last man standing in the Valley…
As promised John Reid MBE’s tips for Royal Ascot Saturday
These were John Reid’s tips for Ascot today, as given to the customers at The Royal Foresters. It looks like a very sensible placepot list! The Royal Foresters’ motto for Royal Ascot week has been A Friend to Racing. With John’s tips record over the first four days, I think the Royal Foresters has more…
Too Hot for fun
Apart from drinking tea, when the temperature heads this far north, we deploy the electric fan, my last punkah wallah having disappeared back to Wolverhampton to join a train strike. With the tea and the fan, I recommend a trawl through any collection of Rudyard Kipling’s poems, which will remind you instantly of the miserable…
The Aga Can’t.
For a brief and glorious moment, I truly thought I was home free. Arriving back last night to Camp Tamarkan, the temperature was slightly north of melted engine block territory but I brushed it aside knowing that I had less than a week to go before The Aga was switched off and removed. The financial…
I might have taken too many steps – Ascot Day 3
A CORRECTION: The Cousin of Capt Smyly isn’t. She’s his Niece! Nice. He’ll be able to invite her to The Derby Dinner. I must admit I did think she looked more like young Beaujolais and less vintage Claret. The Hon. took me around the No 1 car park yesterday, on what she described as a…
Smiles for Day 1 and onto Royal Ascot Day 2
What a marvellous day. I spent the morning in the company of one of the best jockeys of the last quarter of the 20th century John Reid, and his brother Noel, having breakfast and chatting about the day’s racing and various mutual chums in the Vale of the White Horse. Then running slightly late, onto…
Bad Manners, The US Open and Royal Ascot Day 1.
In the midst of all the Ascot preparations, the thinking, the calculations, the decisiveness and confidence, sadly coupled with the loss of all value perceptions and risk management, I managed to scramble home from The Derby crash, by dint of good fortune and the bond of friendship. I cannot recall a more topsy-turvy year when…
The 243rd Derby Day
I have captured a photograph of the great tipster Prince Monolulu who would stand on the Downs by the rails and shout to the crowd “I Gotta Horse” as he sold his tips. In the world of Low Life, it is almost impossible not to find the steps of Jeffrey wondering through and indeed Graham…
The Derby Meeting – Oaks Friday
Overarching all that we do in these brief few days, the aura of Her Majesty’s presence shines out. From the top of White Horse Hill, the Defence College Military Wives Choir sang The National anthem as the beacons sprang into fiery life across the Vale and The Downs, as far as the eye can see….
It wasn’t just Derbys…
Quite rightly, there have been thousands of words written this last 48 hours about Lester. Everyone has their favourite stories and every hack has crafted lines in which they can tell them. I only met him once with Peter O’Sullevan before Peter’s annual award lunch, which I used to run. There was nothing memorable about…
York’s Dante Meeting Day 3
Normal service resumed today and I am beginning to scratch the scalp. Certainly, some of the results have been very unexpected, but nonetheless, I am beginning to doubt my ability to handle a computer form book. We are 52½ pts down since January which, it could be argued, still makes it a bloody cheap hobby….
The Dante Meeting Day 2
Another (as in rare and yes we have had them before), profitable day at Raceweb Towers! The crowd at York was down – but according to the ITV racing presenters, it is because the whole country is in trouble, and has nothing to do with racing. With that sort of intellectual rigour, they should be…
The Dante Meeting Day 1
It wasn’t a bad weekend for results, which started to bring us back towards the sunny uplands, and away from the Slough of Despond. We had four winners on Saturday at 7/1, 15/2, 9/4 and 5/4. We had Max Verstappen win at Miami; entirely and as predicted because of Red Bull’s power rather than Ferrari’s…
The looming of a long weekend.
I’m still slightly reeling – as indeed is The Hon. – at the result of Man City, Real Madrid. We had both been given free £5 bets on the game by Bet365, and both of us had opted for the Draw-Draw in the ½-Time Full-Time Result market, at 6/1. The first half was tense, but…
I’m frightened for the people of Marlborough
By the time I left Marlborough today, I was convinced that scientists from the Pavlov Institute had, under the orders of Perfidious Putin, invented a nerve agent that slowly removes all common sense in the general population over a period of time. This inevitably leads to mass hysteria and the breakdown of all law and…
Chester May Meeting Day 1
Many years ago, Brough Scott, the late great Tony Fairbairn and I went to see Woodrow Wyatt the late and not very great chairman of The Tote. The meeting was to discuss one of my rarely brilliant ideas, which I had discussed with Brough and Tony. We had agreed on a partnership in principle but…
1000 Guineas
The Almost God of Thirsk smiled briefly in our collective direction when I wrote, DUBAI LOVE is getting first-time cheekpieces from S Bin S and while he’s a perfectly nice horse the issue is his ability rather than his focus. PISANELLO’s Beverley victory LTO came in spite of major traffic problems in the last furlong…
I almost made 2000 Guineas today
A day of almosts… we almost had a wonderful set of fourfold accumulators come off; we almost got it right on Ricci Rich having the winner – we just went with the wrong one; we almost had a winner at Newmarket if it hadn’t been for some pretty poor positioning mid-race. I was almost Prince…
The Guineas Meeting Day 1
It isn’t every day that we pull a 25/1 winner out of the hat, but that is what we did in the Bumper yesterday at Punchestown. We also had several decent e/w shots and at one time I thought we were in with a shout of taking the La Touche – but like so much…
It’s Grand – but is it Cornish?
My day can be summarised by the outcome of the Aintree race at 4:40 pm, and my huge wager on STAG HORN. So appalled was I by the unfolding drama, that I hurled abuse and a half-eaten Cornish Pasty at the television, as I decided that STAG HORN had been bumped and bored and generally…