Unlike other racing columns, this one is totally transparent in keeping its readers abreast of its own follies. Yesterday, and not to put too fine a point on it, finding winners was easy peasy if you simply stuck to Mullins and ignored most previous form. We had one winner in the outstanding Facile Vega and…
Free Tips
Punchestown Day 2
Not the worst day I’ve ever had at Punchestown, helped by a winner and a couple of places, which in turn were helped by the resurgence of Elliott and the skills of Jack Kennedy who was riding brilliantly. I was cross at my own dismissal of Mighty Potter as a third-placer, when I only mentioned…
It’s Grand – but is it Cornish?
My day can be summarised by the outcome of the Aintree race at 4:40 pm, and my huge wager on STAG HORN. So appalled was I by the unfolding drama, that I hurled abuse and a half-eaten Cornish Pasty at the television, as I decided that STAG HORN had been bumped and bored and generally…
Lumme – What went right there?
By crikey – even I startled myself. It’s been a while since I did a bit of banking, but e/w doubles and trebles, the favoured drinking method in the Hillside Clubs and my preferred betting poison, delivered what I believe is called A Result. A total investment of 30 pts delivered three winners, a 25/1…
The Last Post of Cheltenham
There was a moment on Thursday when the Kneesup world took a definitive turn for the worse. Not the excessive prices that Cheltenham has been charging for a Pint of Guinness, nor the ludicrous absence of mobile signal in the 21st century; nor the woeful and controlled wifi signal that allows you to only bet…
Cheltenham Ladies Day – Wednesday
A very jolly lunch with racing and pointing folk. Our host has of late become increasingly deaf, and lives in a world where TVs are best full-on – and the resulting output then passed through an amplifier. Various grooms, vets, farriers, a dog-walker and assorted others drifted in and out to watch the racing on…
Cheltenham Day 1
No time for chit chat. I’m building a website for a charity; I’ve got an environmental campaign to put together; I’ve just come back from seeing my furrowed eye-brow consultant and I’m not sure where The Cheltenham tweeds are. All this before 7.00 pm when I’m off for road-kill with his Lordship. So onto the…
OFGEM: Office that Forgot to Get Energy Made
It is morning. You sit at your table, the sideboard creaks with chaffing dishes keeping the devilled kidneys a point, the poached eggs at a perfectly-held softness, the grilled tomatoes sweetened with their own caramelisation ready to support the saltiness of the dry-cured streaky from a Gloucester Old-Spot. Scrote, the hunched family retainer, brings in…
I am Spartacus, but please don’t crucify me.
Like all good Catholics, lapsed or otherwise, I struggle to keep my sins to myself. The need to cleanse one’s soul and expunge all guilt lies firmly within the beating breast of the Kneesup clan, tempered only by the corollary to all confessions – don’t try to mitigate your responsibility and lessen the punishment by…
Better the devil you know…
It’s hard to know what to make of the nellies who constitute the lower orders on the Conservative backbenches. The Rt. Hon. Member for Frightfully-Cross and his Hon. Friend the Member for Hopeful-without-Reason, all appear to have shot their bolt. More to the point, they all failed to grasp – as did I – that…
Knickers to the Aga – and the Chinese spies
One of my favourite readers, Mrs Banshee from Kent, sent me a kindly and charming note outlining her concern at my Aga woes. The Aga, she wrote, is not for cooking… “Rather it is for drying one’s knickers on, as everyone who has one knows”. Now call me old-fashioned, but when very attractive women start…
I bet I’m a better person by the end of the year!
Despite calling in sick for exactly 26 days, it turns out that the Lateral Flow Tests I used every seven days were all flawed, and that I didn’t have to take a long paid holiday at my company’s expense to self-isolate after all, so I am now reporting for duty and will obviously be seeking…
My loyalty has been discarded – along with the Gold Card.
Despite empty shelves, nobody apparently working, the collapse of Kabul, the changes to the NH handicapping system, the sale of the house, and a 15-week-old puppy whose teeth are incredibly sharp, life meanders along much as before. Silly chores, however, do seem to take forever but this is, I suspect because Homo Sapiens has decided…
The Ebor Festival – York Racecourse Day 3
Apologies for the sudden departure yesterday, but our time is not always our own. It was good racing on the second day, although quite why the Galtres isn’t televised is strange. I have mentioned the AP doldrums recently, and some commentators made the point that if the rest of the Coolmore string is underperforming, then…
The Ebor Festival – York Racecourse – Day 2
Yesterday was one for bursting reputational bubbles, and sadly for my wallet, some of them went without much of a pop, more the raspberry of a flabby balloon. Yibir will go to Belmont for The Jockey Club Stakes and the ground and new riding tactics of just keeping him “buried” as Charlie described it, and…
Avoiding the weather puns about Snowfall.
As Open tipping short-lists go, the one that ended my last posting was pretty good. “I was torn for my 5th selection to pick from a shortlist of KOEPKA, LEISHMAN, OOSTHUIZEN and SPIETH and it was easy for me to swerve the favourite. So I didn’t back any of them and will wait until later…
Newmarket Day 3 and the ITV races.
Not the most sparkling Friday, and I apologise. I think there are days when one is simply trying to over-deliver – certainly I overthought it. There was nothing among the winners that really surprised me, but I never even discussed them, and indeed I dismissed a number on the grounds of price rather than ability. …
Newmarket July Meeting Day 2
Yesterday’s Raceweb advisory was a tale of two halves. On the real and considered side of the equation, we were +4pts with a win and two decent places. Then in the second half I also referenced an amusing possible Ryan Moore Across the card “fun” bet, by which, I hope you understand, I mean very,…
Newmarket July Meeting Day 1. Raceweb Year 3
Last Saturday saw another decent performance for Raceweb with an overall 14.97 pts profit to start the month of July with. The weekend also gave me the chance to catch up with an analysis of recent results, allowing me to remember that we showed an overall profit for Royal Ascot – but had four losing…
24th in line to becoming French
We are rapidly approaching a moment in time when it really will be statistically more likely that you will be killed by your toaster than by Covid. Did you know that in May, COVID-19 (and please assume you, mealy-mouthed, statistical apparatchiks, that we precisely understand your deliberate vagueness when using the words “of”, “by”, and…
Ascot Day 4
It was a day when the Shortlist produced 3 winners and the final selections looked like after-thoughts. Mark you, much of the day was lost to trying to decipher a set of NHS instructions in order to take two tests, in order to gain access to Ascot. What is it about all Government communications that…
Ascot Day 3
Work raises its ugly head and delays matters, while winking at me from the sideboard are the 227 tests I have to take before Friday’s big adventure. But first, we must continue our labours against the bookies and, as labours go, yesterday went pretty well. We’re showing a 30pt profit for the meeting so far,…
The denuded antepost list and how to pull Elle Macpherson
Endless numbers of “stars” and “celebrity doctors” keep insisting that for me to be well, I must be happy. For me to be happy I must… and there then follows on TV, a horrific list of things one must buy, achieve or obtain, depending on the time of day. Much of it appears to have…
York’s Day 1 and welcome to the new Chairman
Stand by for another guff-fest from Ed “Woke” Chamberlain, where he waxes lyrical about the fact that A WOMAN is the Chairman of York Racecourse – the first in the history of The Knavesmire. “Extraordinary”. “What A Moment”. “The Glass Ceiling….” “Another step forward in equalising blah blah blah.” I am not such a royalist…
Newmarket 3 Cheltenham 2
The tips for today’s TV racing are here. Very brief. Will explain more tomorrow.
Grand National Meeting Day 2
Yesterday, or rather the very early morning, started badly, as I found myself working in the very early hours to meet an 08.00 deadline. I crashed out about 03.30 and then had Madame’s always fun re-enactment of Reveille in the English lines on the Eve of Waterloo. She plays all the parts, including saddling the…
AWT Championships? Hasn’t Jesus suffered enough on Good Friday?
Good Friday, and Europe is awash with Fiestas and Fetes celebrating Holy Week. It’s a time of year when I might reasonably consider that the seasons were changing and that I needn’t be in-country a moment longer. It’s a much-hackneyed phrase, but this year I really do get the feeling that “spring is in the…
Cheltenham Day 3
With the sad inevitability of the unsinkable ship travelling at speed and an enormous stationary iceberg, I suspect my Cheltenham maybe gashed below the waterline. I tried to enthuse about Tiger Roll’s victory and Cheltenham five-timer, honestly. I was thrilled for Ms Blackmore, who isn’t a female but is a jockey. (Broadcaster please note). I…
Cheltenham Day 2
I have not yet had the chance to congratulate myself for tipping and Brian Harman for playing into his 3rd place in TPC. A 175/1 third, even for a shared place at a 5th odds means that to a £1 e/w LSP, we are +22 pts overall. The rest of my picks… buck up your…
A weekend view of The Cheltenham Festival
The girl in the picture is Elvira, whom I have mentioned ante scriptor. She turned up rather suddenly, refused coffee, and then said nothing, but threw furious glances at my unlit fag. I tried to tell her that I thought her top, though lovely, was possibly too chilly for racing. She simply scowled. That is…
Of Course you can – but not that Course and not here
This trend continues the theme of horses that are unlikely to win, based on their last race. In this case, they have had the misfortune of being unable or unwilling to have their final Cheltenham prep race other than at these tracks. Personally I think some of these tracks are delightful, but for whatever reason,…
Stick to what you know.
As you might expect, when you’re digging in dark statistical corners, you occasionally unearth a shard of old pottery which makes you understand that the Trojans had possibly invented Toblerone. Thus it was that I uncovered this small gem, that suggests that Handicap Hurdlers do what they do best before the Festival, which is race…
Something of the Arriviste about these
It’s happened to all of us at one time or another. You turn up somewhere you’ve been invited to and you’re wearing your best Waikiki Beach Surfing Shirt and a pair of shorts and flip-flops. You’ve bought a six-pack and a smile and the door opens on a scene of sophisticated elegance, as the besuited…
Saturday’s racing and perhaps a few clues
Why I hear you ask, do you have a picture of a walk-in medical vaccine fridge, adorning your racing website? Because gentle reader, I and the team, had a busy day today, trying to explain to someone who sells thermometers for medical fridges or some such, that a fridge is a fridge, and that, strangely…
Ballymore Hurdle
8th February 2021 GAILLARD DU MESNIL got things underway at Leopardstown’s Dublin Racing Festival, with a brilliant performance in the opener. The five-year-old was cut into favourite with most bookmakers for the race. 8/1 before the race, he’s now a best price of 7/2 and 3/1 with a number of firms. Sent off 13/8 favourite…
Perhaps I might become a Stable Lad?
I have no idea what the argument is with Rishi, because I don’t take The Racing Post anymore. (That doesn’t make me a bad person, I just started to find the absence of competition made their copy somewhat compliant). However, I gather Rishi said something along the lines of why aren’t more Lads from a…
Cheltenham Day 2 – All the tips for here and ITV Racing
Yesterday was close, but no coconuts, although there was a huge amount of cheering here at the Chateau D’If for Beau de Brizais, who opened at 40s, behaved exactly as predicted and halved in price. I regret not suggesting the forecast, but then [a] I would have been a genius and [b] I couldn’t have…
Earwigging is bad for your mental health
My office lies just north of the memsahib’s and so it is only a matter of switching off the selective deafness mode to catch the full conversational flow, surely the nearest thing to Perpetual Motion. Thus I discovered that she misses smelling like a horse. Sadly I too missed something – one or two vital…
The dangers from Covid are far greater than being ill
I feel sorry for jockey Ben Curtis, who has been publically hauled over the coals as he scrabbles to earn a crust out of a single ride at – and being ejected from – Newmarket by the Thomson and Thompson Twins. Tintin’s comic book heroes always displayed a sense of self-righteousness that however commendable nearly…
York Ebor Day 4 – The Road to Damascus in a combination forecast
While the power went off and on and my desktop went tonto, I had time yesterday to reflect on how one might have done better this week. Sure we had a cracking start, yes we tipped some winners, yes we’re in profit – but that is mainly because we headed down the “exotics” avenue and…
The PHE and the PGA – Statistics only tell half the story
A reader writes that she is confused by my writing about “ball games”, and that “strokes in regulation” means nothing to her. I am much the same with equestrian tack, racing bridles and bits. The Triabit is in every sense a bit of a mouthful, (ED: Stop that immediately) and do not get me started…
Goodwood, The Results. Also Windsor, The Systems
Firstly, the Goodwood results. Based on an e/w bet of 1pt e/w, and a winning bet of 2pts to win, we turned over 120 pts. We also had 3 forecast bets for 10 pts. Our return was exactly 260.39 pts, or to put it another way, we doubled our money. We had six winning bets…
Goodwood Day 4 – Bunny would not approve
Dinner with Sam Hoskins and other chums last night, at another pub that has decided that C19 is an excuse not a reason to try harder. Sam is down to support his KVT members and their runner SIR BUSKER today. We have an engaging conversation, but close by, a man keeps trying to catch Sam’s…
Royal Ascot: Tuesday 16th June 2020 – Day One
No preliminaries, we all know why we’re here…… Kick On! 1:15 pm – Buckingham Palace Handicap (Handicap) “Cripes” as Bunter might say. Tricky or what? I have cogitated about this field for almost 40 minutes and only managed to narrow it down to a dozen. I don’t think the draw is going to matter much,…