It was a real delight to see the resurrection of The Pharoah of Galway, Peter O’Tool and his wise insights into the 2000 Guineas. On my side I had two hours sorting out the Gremlins; (for those of you with a technical bent, it was the SMTP routing handler which was set to Local rather…
Author: Capt. Kneesup
A second run at the tips
Every now and then, we might be able to find the time in our grinding schedules, to step out for a light snack at lunchtime. Perhaps some potted shrimps and a chilled glass of the 1999 Jean-Noël Gagnard Chassagne-Montrachet. Perhaps a ripe fig and a small piece of the Brillat-Savarin. The sun shines gently on…
Apologies
Hours of work have simply disappeared when I hit the Publish button. It was the second time today it has happened and I have obviously got a gremlin. This, therefore is by way of a Test and I will try and let you know the shortened version of my efforts later.
One step forward, two steps back and one to the side.
I signed off the last note, “Onwards, ever onwards”. My concept of the S de Souza’s front-running ability wasn’t far off the mark, but it did feel lateral rather than progressive. We had you might remember a ½pt e/w Yankee for 11pts total and a 2pt win on his CITY WANDERER. We had a winner…
An unbalanced world around the racing
A terribly sad and worrying note from my chum Thomm in St Pauls, Minneapolis who lives in what might be considered akin to the Sloane Square end of Chelsea. In fact, it is less than 2 miles from where the police started this whole ghastly business and Thomm’s description of the last 72 hours makes…
Day 2 of the return.
While I would love to pass off my crude notes as some sort of well-honed guidance, the reality is of course that I am, like most of you, still getting my eye in. The things you forget to check beforehand – like Newcastle’s Clerk going in deep with the harrow. I hadn’t clocked a couple…
Astonishing how a few winners bucks up the soul
Well, that actually went pretty well. We saw a couple of decent maidens and marked some notebook performances; we had a couple of decent results and – thanks entirely to Alex “But-er” Hammond, we discovered after the first that they had harrowed the Tapeta very deep and the ground was running soft. Sadly I didn’t…
What’s got 720 legs and has just come back?
Yup – it’s racing. After months, and with sobbing flat trainers down to the last dozen of that jolly Burgundy they picked up at Cagnes-sur-Mer; with owners getting sticky with the sobbing trainer, and with Lambourn 90% convinced that social distancing was a binary option, we have 10 races for our edification tomorrow. Unsurprisingly and…
So much good news…
As various bundles of intelligence thump onto my desk, the headlines make for depressing reading. (I say headlines – I am from the BJ school of thought. If you want heavy lifting with an explanatory note, you need Cummings SPAD software v20.x!) Seven of the 19 Eurozone members will have debt higher than 100% of…
A Sunday Quiz – or questions that need answering
I am trying hard not to be grumpy, but I fear that I could easily become the younger cousin of that most despicable of all social stereotypes, The Sanctimoanious Suburbanite. Like the Remoaners before them, sufferers simply can’t stop telling anyone who’ll listen, why people in London are the real menace… oh and that Mrs…
If Sir Mark hasn’t worked this out by now, my name’s Dolores!
As Brighton, Carlisle, Nottingham and Worcester decide to keep the doors shut this summer, the BHA has published their fixture list and their future racing plans. You can have a look at the original press release by popping over to the DOWNLOADS Section, on the menu bar above. One key feature of these amendments is…
A healthy obsession with numbers, or the death of reason?
Almost every conversation in the last four months has inevitably contained a number, statistic or formula. Even the barely sentient will rush to tell you what the R number is, or why the death-rate in Bolton is so similar to that of Belize. We are surrounded by statisticians and number crunchers and most of them…
Three in and one out – the simple realities of rural life
A perfectly ordinary day to start. Brekker, a trip to the opticians to get new specs, as my eyes have been giving me grief since March, some work on the new project. For the Memsahib, a trip to her Pa with supplies, some 2MSD offspring cheer and a chance to walk our dog, Polly the…
Royal Ascot news! 120 races over two weeks!
Exciting news from HM Vineyards, where Her Majesty’s loyal advisers have produced an exciting programme of more. There are now six extra races, (Sorry about the Fake News headline) including consolation races for the Royal Hunt Cup and Wokingham. This year – and only this year – there will be three new races; the 14f …
Finally. A proper Sunday and a chance to catch up on some news.
Much like the Monkees 4th hit, “Pleasant Valley Sunday”, the Charcoal was burning everywhere last Sunday – not least at Raceweb Towers. Some delicious Lamb cutlets from a whole carcass purchased from my neighbours, butchered and wrapped sensibly at the local abattoir, some Tabbouleh, some homemade Treacle Tart, a bottle of delicious Antinori, and the…
Quizzing the future?
What Ho, tout le monde et Bienvenue to racing “in absentia” from Longchamp. Like a Shakespearian speech, the racing was sans crowds, sans le picnic, sans hacks (well there were five in fact, but that was the entire interested world’s press), sans alcool, even sans owners. Pretty well sans everything. That includes, in my case,…
Good eggs need your support.
Some years ago, I was introduced to Sam Hoskins who had just launched Hot to Trot, a racing syndicate which, in name at least, had all the potential of becoming a hotbed of syndicated lust. What actually transpired, was that a number of my chums secretly took up Sam’s offer to hotly trot and added…
What’s new and things to do
High Rise has posted two new book reviews, and I am thrilled to discover that I have actually read one of his recommendations! The reason I was so delighted to secure HR’s literary services, is that he is an intellectual giant, despite his penchant for a tasselled shoe, and I have always held him in the…
Keep right on to the end of the road….
Somewhere in a rat-infested cellar in Hamburg, will gather tonight a little group of Aryan thugs to celebrate the birth of Adolf Hitler. I can’t tell you the address or the names of the participants, but rest assured some will meet – because that menace has never gone away. Similarly, because we live in a…
A view of the news
It has been in recent days, increasingly clear from all the various sensory inputs, that we – the general public – are becoming tiresomely self-righteous. Our moral outrage is relentless, self-harming, corrosively dangerous, and ultimately self-destructive. There is an alarming rise in domestic violence as partners suddenly realise that their sense of smell has returned,…
If it’s Saturday, it must be the Nippy Girl at Dannero
Yes, folks, this is what it all boils down to – the inestimable sport of Trotting or Harness Racing. The latter, according to Wiki, is the more correct title and is described thus: Harness racing is a form of horse racing in which the horses race at a specific gait (a trot or a pace). They usually pull a two-wheeled cart…
The Corona Commonplace
Some of you may be familiar with our small Christmas booklet, a collection of little pieces that have caught our fancy, taken our imagination or which we simply thought might amuse you. There are two versions you can have, a flipbook and a straightforward PDF. To open the Flipbook on your computer, simply CLICK HERE…
At last – a post that doesn’t cough and does involve racing!
I remember many years ago, at about this time of year, the team launching The Middleham Trainers Association and then the Middleham Open Day. The local MP, Marcus’ dad Roddy, Pat Haslam, James Bethell and countless others all turned out for the first Open Day on a Good Friday. Peter Walwyn, who ran Lambourn Open…
Get past the wheezing – inside I’m laughing
I am currently receiving some forty messages a day of various hues of kindness, love and in one or two cases, imagined promises. (I say – Ding Dong!) Work has started on The Corona Commonplace, a collection of stories, quizzes, observations and random thoughts, and I am assured that we will soon on Raceweb, step…
Even God can get the distance wrong sometimes
I have recently felt that God was perhaps attempting to make an early declaration on my behalf, over a distance, I consider way too short. While he carries the ubiquitous “Authority To Act”, I did feel the use of the word premature was apropos. Because we all have some spare time, and because some of…
Broadsword calling Danny Boy – Broadsword calling Danny Boy
There is now no doubt that we are at war. Our website today came under an attack from Panama with 249 attempted hacks in 10 minutes. Fortunately, our defences are strong, but quite what Signor Jorge was hoping to do is beyond me. Was he trying to discover the secrets of our Cheltenham – I…
Capt. Kneesup falls under the spell of CV19
As we are surrounded by war-time analogies delivered by people who have never served in HM vineyards, nor fired a shot in righteous anger, I shall swerve saying that tapping this out on the tablet was becoming increasingly reminiscent of an old exercise I took part in using badly-formed morse code. (As an aside, The…
Crikey – Raceweb fails to show a profit at Cheltenham! Who knew
I’m wondering whether to get a decent webcam so that I can contribute to important face-time remote meetings, looking serious, full of wisdom and yet somehow avuncular. My concern is that no webcam is going to give me the look of a George Clooney offering Madame a cafe au lit. (yes I can spell). Aside…
Cheltenham Day 4 – Staying alive, staying alive
It’s getting increasingly difficult to tell between exhaustion, alcohol poisoning, and some ghastly virus passed on by an itinerant back-slapping, celebrating Irishman. I was, on Thursday, surrounded, (trapped would be a better word), in just a situation. Sat in the confines of The Cheltenham Automobile Society’s on-course HQ, one chap had bought a “lucky dip”…
DAY 3 CHELTENHAM. Nearly out of hand-wash……
Exhausted. Surely this punishment can’t go on. Together with some 50,000 of my closest friends, I have chosen to self-isolate this week in a marquee or two at Cheltenham, where I am drip-fed Guinness, white and red wines of varying qualities and have to eat food to which only a very grumpy gourmet might turn…
DAY 2 WEDNESDAY – CHELTENHAM: CHAMPION CHASE DAY
Well, a tough first day, where we really can’t make any excuses. The Pharoah of Galway suggested decent performances from KILDISART – HONEYSUCKLE – IMPERIAL AURA – RAVENHILL and Capt. Kneesup had a few places. I hope you made some sense of it all. As for today’s selections, like a bunch of Cistercian monks, whose…
Cheltenham 2020. Surely we’re sunk if the future is cinq.
Over the last 96 hours, I have sacrificed the remaining parts of my working anatomy to your collective cause. I have dined with Nicky Henderson and Nick Luck; I have sat with Haggas, Jarvis, Beckett and Balding and then remembered they weren’t a firm of National Hunt solicitors. I have drunk a huge amount of…
Coronavirus, Corvid19, and Saturday’s TV Racing – All you need to know.
The most novel thing about COVID-19, is the extraordinary speed with which the brutish symptoms of the associated #MEFIRST culture have spread. Aided by 4G, 5G and WiFi, people everywhere have been able to tell us every moment of their illness. Unless you’re in China. Apps tell you when you’re nearing an infected address in…
Today’s Saturday racing tips.
Working on the Cheltenham stats, so just tips today. A profitable day last week, but I have done some work on today’s card and think I have a couple of decent winners. 1:15 KEMPTON Betway Pendil Novices’ Chase (G2) Cl1 (5yo+) 2m4½f 7 runners SOUTHFIELD STONE – ERIK LE ROUGE 1:50 KEMPTON Adonis Juvenile Hurdle…
Something to make a Sunday night pass by.
Occasionally I kid myself that the time is right for me to take up Goff, the received pronunciation of the game involving sticks and lost balls. I like the game, I have even sponsored a team of racing journalists, providing electric carts and ice buckets and a decent Macon for the relief of my players….
A profitable weekend, but more importantly Nicholls kept a good ‘un.
A cracking day’s racing, where we did well at Ascot and dismally at Haydock. It was astonishing that the racing went ahead at all, and well done the ground staff and on-the-day course men who kept things in place and battened down. In line with our policy of accurately reporting our results, we carry forward…
Another Parisian attack on our, green, semi-submerged and pleasant land
Storm Denis is on its way, and my view of the weather rolling towards Raceweb Towers, suggests it is going to be an unutterable bastard. This is hardly unsurprising given that St Denis is the patron saint of France and Paris. I was always rather fascinated by St D as a child, because the rumour…
Sometimes despair is an underrated word.
The brief version of Saturday’s diary was: Woke – Breakfast – Form – More Form – Watch Racing – Bath (as in water, not the little spa racecourse) – Theatre – Dinner – Sleep. The eight words intervening between Woke – Dinner – Sleep, really cannot do justice to the desultory nature of the day….
Laying Trump perhaps, plus a wonderful and informative TV card
My inbox delivered an interesting piece from Politico.com which political punters might find interesting. The article refers to the work of Ms Bitecofer, a political scientist of some repute, Putting aside the fact that at this stage in the USA’s presidential race any fresh political voice is a siren, Ms Bitecofer does appear to make…
Good Moaning, here is the good news and the end of civilisation
As you might guess, the ceaseless whining of Woke spokespeople, has driven me insane. I seem to be constantly reminded that I am not wearing my hair shirt (only available from Sackcloth and Ashes, tailors to the Liberal Elite and Champagne Socialist Party), while adenoidal pimples, rub their televisual hands together and invite us to…
The weekend’s racing and a tip for The National
I had to go to town last week for a memorial to celebrate a good, racing, gentle man – the space is deliberate. Nicky was there, having trained for him, and post-service we chewed the fat for almost three hours with a bunch of mutual racing chums and his . I personally gave thanks that David…
The Results for 2020 to date
We all know someone who never had a loser, some genius whose every betting account had been closed and now was only allowed to bet in 50p maximums. We, on the other hand, are determined, to be honest about our endeavours. Thus we produce these occasional reports. We started with a Carry Forward Balance of…
Festival Trials day and all Saturday’s TV races
I suppose as race titles go, the 1:50 isn’t at all bad, given that it tells us exactly how much time we have to wait for The Festival. However. it doesn’t tell us how much time until the announcement by Martin St Quinton, Cheltenham Chair, regarding the introduction of a five day Festival. So, as all…
The ITV Races on Saturday 18th Jan
At the overnight stage, we’re looking at an average of under seven runners per race, which means by almost any measurement; entertainment, income, televisual experience, interest, competition and form, it is an unsatisfactory state. If that sounds as though I am disgruntled, yes I am. Part of that is down to Charlie Brooks who writes…
The results from last Saturday
As we rush headlong to being unable to have a bet because it is not a carbon-neutral activity and where horses will only be able to race if they are powering a wind-generator, it was refreshing to find that our efforts to date have not been entirely fruitless. Not profitable, but at a loss of…
Ante-Post? No but the ITV races are here now.
I thought it might be a good idea – with just nine weeks to go – to start having a look at a couple of the big races, and almost immediately regretted my thinking. It’s a bit like ordering a 1000 piece jigsaw of a green square, and discovering too late that the manufacturer will…
Are we not nearly Good?
At a recent editorial meeting, the head of compliance suggested that in 2020 we should in some way hold ourselves accountable, so that the incurably stupid who blindly followed our tips, might at least get some pre-warning, and thus an opportunity to bag a decent pitch under the arches on the Embankment. O’Tool via his…
The 10th Night – or is it 11th?
Firstly a very Happy New Year to you all. A couple of weeks away from the Raceweb coalface, and while you may struggle to come to grips with the concept, I have actually had a couple of half-decent days of profitable racing!. A spectacular New Year’s Day at Cheltenham, where The Pharoah of Galway had…
Saturday’s TV racing tips
The height of the waters is of serious flood concern in our part of Oxfordshire, and I have tried to stiffen my resolve, lest we repeat the ghastliness of 2007. This was easy to do having looked at the pictures of the great and the good inspecting the course at Ascot today. I didn’t…
Saturday’s Racing 7th December
Those of you swerving the actual selections for The Raceweb Advent Calendar are doing well – although today, I felt as though a corner had been turned. Doubtless, it will be followed by walking into a pane of glass being carried by two slapstick comedians. Hey Ho… it’s only a bit of fun. Meanwhile, we…